Caught In ‘The Act’

This photo has nothing to do with this post. But then I couldn’t think of an acceptable G-rated one which does.

“Oh my god,” a friend whispered to me this morning, “we got caught doing it.”

I thought she meant in a park or the back of the cinema.

“Where?” I asked, already smiling. I loves me a good embarrassing anecdote that involves me picturing my friends naked.

“At home,” she said. “In our bedroom.”

I thought that was allowed. Don’t tell me we’ve been doing it wrong.

But it turns out it wasn’t where she was caught so much as by who.

Short of hanging a tie on the door handle, they’d done everything right – in that they’d locked the door. This should have, in theory, guaranteed privacy.

But there was a second door. The one which opens onto their balcony.

The only warning they had was a click. My friend reefed the doona up and over herself and her husband and turned to find her children at the end of the bed.

“What are you guys doing?” she asked her kids.

“Nothing,” said her 9 year old daughter, Girl9, while Boy5 just stared and grinned. “What are you guys doing?”

“Nothing,” said my friend, albeit nervously.

There was a pause.

“So why don’t you have any clothes on, Mum?” asked Girl9.

And at this point I have to hand it to my friend for quick thinking.

“Your Dad was just checking my moles,” she told her kids.

Brilliant. Except for one tiny detail.

“So why does Dad have to be naked to do that?”

Not that I’d have fared this well this far into the conversation, but this would have had me umming and ahhing like a fridge about to cark it.

But my friend had it covered.

“I’ve just finished checking his,” she lied.

I’ve never been caught out by my kids. For their sake I hope I never am. I’m not sure my reflexes are fast enough for neither the doona nor the excuse for what we were doing.

I’d have to go with the truth.

“Right now? Wishing we didn’t have kids.”

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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”


  • We have been busted a few times… I always say mummy and daddy are having a cuddle and a kiss and we’ll be right out if they know what really is going on no mention is made of it by anyone.e and they seem fine with the explanation (bigger kids just avoid us when we are together just incase). Then the pressure is on. When I say i’ll be right out the kids expect it to be a speedy appearance and if have been busted I am over it anyway so the only one traumatized is daddy. 😉

  • We are caught regularly! We have a lock on our door, but our youngest daughter (now 3) figured out how to unlock it with a toy screwdriver before she was even two years old. Let’s just say, it keeps things interesting!

  • Our four year old son walked in on us for the first time last night. My husband quickly came up with the cuddle excuse.
    And like SomeoneFromSomewhere above I was done, haha

  • Can totally relate to this! I had to do some damage control after yelling at my daughter to get out 🙂 We had a chat and she asked some questions, the trickiest one was why we were having sex if we didn’t want to have a baby…….I felt like saying that at that particular moment we weren’t a big fan of the kids we DO have, let alone unleashing another into the mix!

  • put something heavy in front of the door – and have a matress right by the door – so if someone does try to come in, you can quickly hold it shut.

  • This is why I’m not using wD40 on the kids bedroom door handle, that squeak is just enough warning that they’ve opened their door and are on the prowl

  • The brilliant Billy Connolly has some words of wisdom concerning something similar – to stop people coming in when you’re having a wank. Just pile chairs, dressers, bedside tables etc against the door, and if anyone rattles the doorknob and says they can’t get in, just yell out “It’s my new hobby, furniture piling. Now FUCK OFF.”

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