Doing The Dirty Qwirk

photo 1
Miss7 clearly doesn’t quite get the peace sign. Or, she deserves to go to the naughty corner.

The game I was playing with the kids in the above photo is called Qwirkle and it is a lot of fun and the kids love it. But I’ve now realized it takes too long to play.

My dear wife went away for a night with her mother and sister, so obviously I was expecting something to go wrong.

And it did.

“Make sure you put your makeup away,” I said to Miss11 the night before.

She’d been experimenting stage makeup on her younger siblings. At least, that’s what it looked like. At a guess I’d say she was looking for something between Rocky Horror Picture Show and an Adam & The Ants revival.

“Okay, Dad,” she replied. “I’ll do it later.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” I said, and my thoughts moved on to other potential disaster areas, like moving the soup dispenser to higher ground.

Later. What was I thinking? As if later was ever going to happen.

The following day, within minutes of the above photo being taken – which shows two of my wonderful nephews (who stayed over for the night) and four of my own lovely children – I discovered that Miss11 indeed hadn’t placed a finger on her makeup case after I’d asked her to move it.

Unlike Miss3 – who you’ll notice is suspiciously absent from the above photo – who had used all ten of her’s.

She met me in the hall when I reentered the house. She looked like a red Smurf, covered all over with something I suspect you women need gumption and a wire scourer to remove off your faces.

It was all over her face, chest, legs, arms and even her bum crack.

And the carpet.

And desks, walls, cupboards and water dispenser on the fridge.

And laundry baskets, bathroom sink, tiles and dolls.

I’m still finding places and things she touched.

So I’ve decided next time I sit down to play a game with the kids we’re sticking with Naughts & Crosses. It only takes a minute and hopefully I can catch up with Miss3 before she finishes applying her eye lipstick.

The ‘before’ and ‘an hour after’ photo. I mean, Miss11 and I tried. Think Tracey will notice?

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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”


  • Ahhh, the joys of eye lipstick! While looking at the pictures of inside with the lovely red stains on the carpet, I had flashbacks to about a year ago when, while I was out with the other kids, my husband was home alone with Mr 2, who decided he wanted to colour in. My hubby gave Mr 2 a black felt pen (so he thought anyway), and set him up at the table with paper, then hubby disappeared back into the study to play computer games online with some friends. An hour or so later he realises it has been a bit too quiet, and comes out to find Mr 2 has decorated EVERYTHING (up to a 1.2m) with permanent marker. Walls (good old tongue and groove where you can’t get down into the groove properly), furniture,toilet, floor, bathroom cabinets, bath tub, back of the lounge, himself (and by the cat’s jumpiness we suspect he tried to colour her in too!). EVERYTHING (I must admit I am impressed with the quality of the permanent marker, it really lasted well). And although I now know how to remove permanent marker off every type of surface known to man, I am sad to say I still find the odd spot I missed (shows how often I clean the house properly!)… Good luck with the stains..

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