What A Shit Storm

“I want a big bath!” screamed Miss4. By ‘big’ she meant a long bath. Half an hour is not unusual for this water baby.

Bugger, I thought. I’ll be here all night.

Then I began readying Miss2 to jump in the bath with Miss4 and went to take her nappy off.

“I do it!” Miss2 bellowed at me.

Great, I thought. Fine. Less work for me.

No.

She took hold of each tab and tore them open, let go of one tag and swung the nappy high up into the air before letting it go. It sailed over my head, through the air and landed – like a big, yellow-white, moist sausage – several feet behind me.

Not that I immediately noticed where it had landed because my eyes instinctively slammed shut as something hit my face. A couple of things actually. Specifically, butt hail.

And it wasn’t just my face. Small turds showered down like soft stones, splashing into my hair, the bath, washing and surrounds. Even the sink. It was like we’d locked a small, well fed goat in overnight.

I think it says something about my years of parental experience that I didn’t even flinch.

On the one hand, the sooner Miss2 learns to use the loo the better.

On the other hand, it sure got Miss4 moving. She shot out of the bath and ran from the room without even stopping for a towel.

Shit or not, I just clawed back enough time to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory, so I’m calling this a win.

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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”