Tell Me, Am I A Dick?

Apparently, I’m embarrassing.

A screech from the direction of the road pierced the school grounds and, specifically, the classroom of our young Miss11.

It was so loud it stopped the teacher mid sentence. Her face formed a disapproving frown.

“People who drive like that,” she said, indicating the rough direction the sound came from, “should have their licence taken off them.”

It was a sound point, so Miss11 nodded in agreement.

The first time.

When the same screech again interrupted class, it suddenly occurred to Miss11 she knew who was making that awful sound. What’s more, it wasn’t some idiot turning into a corner too fast and losing a bit of rubber. It was, in fact, her dad. And it was, in fact, nothing more than a loose fan belt in his crappy old Red Rocket which protests whenever he takes off from a standing or slow moving position.

Which can be fun 🙂

Like the other night in the car park under Coles, when a lady pushing a trolley stepped out from between two vehicles without even looking to see if she was in danger.

I slowed down to a crawl. Then so did she. I stopped. She nearly did too.

Seriously, it was like her batteries were running flat. I’ve seen death marches in New Orleans which shuffle along at a brisker pace.

And still she hadn’t looked my way!

But as it turned out this was a good thing. It gave me time to think.

I waited until she was past me and then I gently released the clutch and put the tiniest bit of pressure on the accelerator-

– and she nearly shat herself! The sound of my screaming fan belt in the undercover car park was awesomely deafening! The only thing missing was a drink or something for her to fling up into the air and we would have had the next series of Australia’s Funniest Home Videos in the bag.

So FYI, Miss11, just so you know, the reason I may never have the fan belt fixed to avoid you being embarrassed in class is this woman’s fault. It was hilarious. I chuckled all the way out of the car park, all the way home and even while I was typing out this post. But don’t worry, Miss11, the next time I go to the supermarket I’ll take you with me.

If you behave yourself I’ll even let you reach over and work the horn. It’ll be a blast.

And just a quick note to all my readers out there on the interweb – some exciting news. I am now being represented by the biggest, the original and the best blogging agency in Australia – The Remarkables Group 🙂

Sadly, my first agent, the wonderful Dana, went and got herself married and moved to Singapore with her sexy, new hubby. Way to ‘go yourself’, Dana. (You know we love you and wish you all the best, you selfish cow x). Thank you for all the help you’ve given me over the last 20 months, Dana. You rock! xxx

Fortunately, I’ve managed to fall on my feet and now TRG will be going in to bat for this blog. Hopefully it’ll all culminate in some fantastic giveaways on offer for everyone and some funtastic new posts.  I know they’ve impressed me so far with their professionalism, humour and approach to putting readers first. I’m very excited.

Here’s to the future 🙂

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It really does make a difference  Thanks.

“Raising a family on little more than laughs”