No Paternity Test Required


I have a confession. My kids annoy the hell out of me.

Especially when I’m trying to get everyone in or out of the car.

For example, Miss2 will duck and weave when I put her in one side of the car. I did it today and by the time I walked around to the other side of the car to buckle her in to her seat something was different.

“When did you draw on your face,” I asked her. Then I spotted the pens in the center console. While I walked around the car she’d picked up a Biro and drawn all over her face and neck, and then dropped then pen so I wouldn’t see it.

I buckled her in and drove the 500 meters to school. You might be thinking I should walk them such a short distance, but until you’ve attempted to wrangle all five of my young kids anywhere you can’t have an opinion on this.

At this point I thought I was in the home stretch. All I had to do was walk the kids across the road and say goodbye.


The first hurdle was getting them out of the car.

“For Pete’s sake,” I snapped at Miss7, “hurry up!”

She’d waited until everyone was out of the car before she even unbuckled her seat belt. Then she picked up her back pack and thought about shimmying over the back seat and exiting the vehicle.

My patience lasted until she was over the seat.

“Hurry up!” I snapped again.

And she did. Which resulted in her falling our of the car onto the bitumen of the car park.

Before I could even feel guilty about my part in this, she picked herself up and brushed off the odd bit of gravel.

“Are you alright?” I nearly asked before she dusted herself off and set  off towards the footpath…

…and slammed headfirst into the side mirror of the car, and ended up back on the bitumen.

“Are you alright?” I finally managed to get out of my mouth.


So I have a confession. My kids annoy the hell out of me.

But by the same token, because of this I know they’re my kids. No paternity test required.

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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”

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