Worst. Husband. Ever. (Apparently)


My wife is currently on a mission. She’s losing weight. And occassionlly her temper.

But naturally, I’m being very supportive.

Or so I thought.

“Are you trying to say I’m fat?” Tracey asked me on the weekend with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows knotted.

“Wha-” I said.

“Fat,” she repeated. “You think I’m fat, do you? You think I need to lose a bit of weight? A lot of weight.”

For the record, I have been staying out of the whole dieting discussion. For two very, very good reasons.

One, I think my wife is dead sexy. She’s perfect. She’s hot!

Two, I am not. And I live in dread of her suggesting I start monitoring my own intake.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked her, finally finding my voice. Honestly, I had no idea.

Then I saw the jar in her hand and realized where I’d gone seriously wrong. And I mean seriously.

A friend Tracey is walking with in the mornings gave her two jars the other day. As you lose weight you have to take a marble from one jar and put it into the other as a visual representation of the kilos which are falling off you.

I’d been staring at a freezer bag of marbles sitting next to the jars for a couple of days and finally decided to ‘help’ by emptying them into the from jar and throwing away the bag.

What I didn’t realize was Tracey had already put enough marbles in the from jar to represent the weight she wanted to lose.

“You want me down to the weight I was pre-kids, pre-twenties and pre-you, yes?”

She’s so cranky when she’s hungry.


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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”


  • Uh oh haha. I’d say maybe she needs a Snickers but obviously that would defeat the purpose of what she’s trying to achieve! By the way, I think she looks great too!
    I do actually like the marbles in the jars idea, though. Would be quite motivating…as long as my hubby doesn’t keep adding marbles, right? 😛

  • Oops!! Put the blame back on her 😉 She should’ve explained to you exactly what was going on the with marbles… If she had communicated with you then this never would’ve happened… Actually don’t, you may lose your head, I’ve been hangry from dieting before and you can’t see reason!

  • seriously just explain to her thats not what u meant show her that you like the way she is do something nice for her being a girl is hard in the world today too many women are not eating properly just to look like the girls on the covers of magazines. you feel all this pressure and judgement from other more skinnier girls to look like them. so just say you’re sorry and do something really nice for her show her that you love her the way she is and show her that she isn’t what she thinks she is, which is fat, your wife can be as skinny as she can get and still think shes fat thanks to the 21st century’s unattainable ideals and standards of beauty.

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