Some Comic Relief


You know that cockiness which comes from knowing you’re right? I got a bad case of it the other night after Tracey’s operation.

Riding the lift down with my brother and Tracey’s entire family, I glanced at the buttons.

“You’ve pressed G,” I said. I reached over and pushed 1. “You don’t have to go out that way, there’s a walkway across from the first floor.”

“We’re going to the ground floor,” Tracey’s Mum said. “That’s how we came in.”

“Yes, but you don’t have to go out that way.”

“Well, we’re going to.”

“My way’s quicker.”

“No, it’s not.”

Enter said cockiness.

“I think,” I said, all grin and raised eyebrows and chin down and hands spread in a smart ass fashion. And oh, that tone. “I think I’d know. I have been here for two weeks, you know.”

“I don’t care,” said my MIL, digging her heels in. “I’m getting out on the ground floor.”

“Have it your way,” I said as the doors opened and, except her and her lapdog husband, everyone got out with me. “But it’s a race now. We’ll be waiting with the engines running.”

And while we didn’t exactly run we certainly didn’t stop to admire the hospital model or displays of scary medical implements from the last century as we giggled our way past.


“This time of night the automatic doors are locked,” I told everyone. It was about 4am. “It’ll take them five minutes to work out they have to press a button to get out.”

When we reached the doors to the walkway they were indeed locked in much the same fashion. I reached over a pressed the button and they swung open.

“We’ve got this in the bag.”

Scooting around the curve in the walkway we arrived at the doors to the car park. They looked a bit different, but I didn’t give that much thought as I leaned in to open them.

They didn’t give.

I rattled them.

They didn’t give.


I turned around and everyone in Tracey’s immediate family, less her parents, were staring at me expectantly.

“I think we have a problem,” I said. “But we’re younger and faster. I reckon if we hurry back and go down to the ground floor we can take them.”

As one we power walked along the walkway back towards the automatic doors.

I rattled them.

They also didn’t give.



You know that moment when you realize the only justification for your cockiness was the inclusion of the word cock? And just in case I’d missed it Life gave the moment a backing track – the laughter and finger pointing from my other prisoners.

Moments later Tracey’s parents worked out where the after-hours button was to open the big glass doors on the ground floor and came wandering across to the car park where, above them, the rest of their family was waving madly to get their attention from where they were all trapped on the walkway.

“Hi guys,” I called down in a much more humble manner than the last time we spoke. “Any chance you might come back up and let us in!?”


PLEASE NOTE: The reference to a lapdog husband was for comical purposes only. He used to box. I don’t want to get any further into his bad books.

~ ~ ~

Thank you again to everyone involved in keeping our Tracey alive and in with a chance. If you would like to do something wonderful please consider donating to one of the heroes of this ordeal – Care Flight which got Tracey where she needed to be quickly and safely. I gave them $100 as a thank you. This is a service we need to ensure continues because it saves live, keeping mummies around for their kids and hapless husbands.


  • Oh yes, when you feel familiar enough with that place and make the mistake of thinking you know where you’re going!! It always proves you wrong!! I made many a wrong turn! Now we go to the new hospital so I’m not supposed to know where I’m going!! Phew!!

  • I have a dreadful sense of direction so got quite excited the day I was able to figure out how to navigate around our local hospital (Gold Coast Uni Hospital) but then realised why I was there so it wasn’t quite so cool. Seriously, many is the time I’ve gotten lost on my way to the toilet and I’m in a small three bedroom duplex, there aren’t a lot of options but I still manage it. *lol*

  • laughter is sometimes the only thing that keeps you going . We measured my brother’s wellness by the amount of gadgets atatched and tubes coming out. On his second day he had to be rushed back to surgery as the swelling in his brain was so bad the instrument couldn’t measure it , turns out the instrument was defective ,brain was still swollen but stable. We joked in a black humor way there was nothing to detect because they must have forgotten to put the brain back in at the first surgery . it seems so bad now but all six of us (my mum and five siblings) only needed to look at each other and we lost it again. Stay sane and well go outside and sit under tree once a day .

  • Bruce, May all your kindnesses to Mike during your time at BOQ be paid a 1000 times over for you. You and Tracey and entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. We will put a donation into Care Flight and also into BOQ appeal to help you cover expenses. All the best. Mary Condon

  • I have to text myself exit directions when i park at the shopping centre so i know which way i came in. It gets ugly with a mountain of groceries, speedbumps and you feel like you are walking through the ghetto section of the outside of the shopping centre. You convince yourself you will be mugged by vagrant dumpster divers or the victim of some angry Collingwood supporter. Even more fun if you are lucky enough to get one of those new trolleys that locks the wheels up when you hit the perimeter of the carpark.

    Sending love to your family.
    Come on Tracey! You got this xx

  • Ha ha smarty pants! Gee, you are brave writing about your ex-boxer father in law like that! Glad that you and Tracey have family with you. In my years in and out of hospitals, I told my husband that the kids needed to be kept in their routine and with their Dad. It was probably hard for both of us, but the Mum in me wanted my kids to not be freaked out. We didn’t have distance or a coma to deal with though. I hope you get to go home and have a night with the kids. I know Tracey wouldn’t mind that at all, and hopefully another family member will stay by her bedside while you do that. Thanks for your beautiful, funny writing. You are doing an amazing job. Love can carry you a long long way. xxx

  • Me again! I have just read you big bio page (I am a new reader; it was Reservoir Dad who tweeted what was wrong). Good seeing the photos. Tracey is very, very pretty. x

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