How To Holiday In The Maldives

2D or not 2D, that is the question.

In the absence of the 3D option I prefer to get my hands on, I went with it.

“I’m surprised you’re not taking photos of my boobs,” Tracey said as she made another expression and I clicked away.

Suddenly I was too.

I paused. Nothing derails me from whatever I’m doing like the mention of my wife’s boobies. They are my happy place.

“Can I?” I asked.


“Then stop bringing them up,” I said, lifting the camera to my eye and taking another shot – although admittedly the lens was pointed at her chest. “That’s called prick teasing.”

“Are you calling yourself a prick?”

This was exactly what I was worried about; being away from my wife’s banter for a week, because here I was heading to what is arguably the most romantic place on Earth, the Maldives, and I was going alone.

Well, not alone per se. With a group of other bloggers.

But in terms of sleeping arrangements, by myself.

As you might have cottoned onto last week if you’ve read any of my blog posts or checked out any of the photos in my Facebook feed, FlyScoot had invited the agency group who represent my blog (GoodFunnySmart) to have our annual meet up at ClubMed Kani.

I’ve been knowing this was coming for a couple of months and unlike everyone else in our blogger group had been dreading it.

More than once in the lead up I’d decided I wasn’t going. Tracey’s final operation was happening right about this point and I wanted to be with her to see this out. Only then the unthinkable happened: the operation came and went without any hassles and took with it my best excuse to stay home with her.

“You have to go,” said Tracey when I once again decided she couldn’t do without me. “I’ll help you pack.”

And that’s when she came up with a wonderful idea. I could take photos of her head along for photos.

Now contrary to popular local consent at the moment, I’m not an idiot. I wasn’t going to actually think Tracey was with me and start conversations. But the idea of faking some holiday snaps with my absent wife did make me giggle – especially when Tracey suggested a few of the more amusing facial expressions I had printed – and suddenly the whole ‘trip to the Maldives’ thing was less of a cross to bear.

And yes, I know I’m sounding ungrateful. I mean shit, we’re talking the Maldives here!

So I took a few snaps and hurried off to get them printed. One of the best parts of the trip was sending Tracey happy snaps of the holiday she wasn’t having.

There are three sets of galleries below. The first is a sample of the photos I was sending home to Tracey. The second is the ClubMed Kani resort where we stayed, and the third is the ClubMed Finolhu resort where all the women on our trip wanted desperately to stay.

A big part of this trip was being able to check out and report back on the resorts to other families, so I’ve tried to do that. Briefly, the two resorts were very, very different. Both islands, both ClubMed, both with cabins over the water and all-inclusive food and drinks, but one was more for people who want to holiday with their kids and the other was more of a parents retreat.

Both remind me of being on a cruise ship and I can totally see the value for a family with this set up. Everything is there for you. Everything, including snorkelling and sailing and shows, is included in your booking price, and because no one has to cook or clean, everyone gets a proper holiday. Moreover, because of this you don’t have to keep reaching for your credit card.

And they have kids club! If the world needs more of anything it’s kids clubs at holiday destinations.

I don’t have to say this, and I’m not writing it just to brown nose because I got a free holiday, but I’ve already requested a quote for ClubMed Bali (because it’s the closest and the airfares for seven people really add up) for about this time next year.

I mean if it was this much fun with a 2D Tracey head I can only imagine how much more fantastic it’s gonna be when I can look at her actual face and there’s a wonderful set of 3D boobs just under it.

Family Holiday – Kani

This was the resort we stayed at and it is beautiful.

Actually, beautiful doesn’t cut it. Gorgeous. Magic. Paradise. All the words.

I’ve got hundreds of photos (David took the nice ones, not me) so I’ll add more and more this week, but I just wanted to get this post up so you cold check it out.

In terms of family holidays, Kani has a kids club which looked fantastic. Saw them entertaining the kids with a staff member dressed up as a pirate and arriving on the bow of a boat before they all took off looking for the bad pirate who was hiding up the beach somewhere. Someone told me they’d already been digging for treasure and having all manner of fun. The kids area is being expanded next year and will include facilities to have kids entertained at night while Mum & Dad ‘go out’ for some fun.

We were also shown a few of the family options on Kani, with interconnecting rooms. My favourite was one of the few second floor set ups where the two rooms were connected in the bathroom area. Sounds odd, but it looked great – and would mean more notice before the little munchkins barged in. Thinking like a Dad now.

Parents Retreat – Finolhu

I was not classy enough to be on this island. That’s just a fact.

There was a Singapore celebrity couple having wedding photos done and they barely made the cut.

If they hadn’t taken us for a day trip to Finholhu I’d had thought Kani wanted for nothing. But OMG! This resort caters for a maximum of 102 guests and no children under 14. It’s a couples paradise, or as I prefer to think of it, the ultimate parents retreat.

Sitting in the magnificent bar with three other guests scattered about the pool, I asked the barman if the place gets any busier as there were only 32 guests on the island at the moment. He said it doesn’t really, because the rooms are so nice people tend to stay in them.

He’s right. The rooms are fantastic. There was even a bed in the outside bath and shower room of the one we looked in which also had it’s own private beach. And pool.

Actually, all the rooms have their own private pool.

But the most important thing, according to Master12 when I spoke to him on the phone later that day, was Finolhu has it’s own Pokegym.

Yep, it really does have EVERYTHING.

Can’t seem to link in galleries, so I’ll add them here for anyone who wants to check things out:

How much to get to the Maldives? FlyScoot – LOVE YOU SCOOT!

How much to stay in the Maldives? ClubMed 

High Sierra Australia & New Zealand   BOSE  BUPA travel insurance

These are the bloggers I had this experience with:

Paging Fun Mums   The Organised Housewife   School Mum   Baby Mac   Suburbly

Raising a family on little more than laughs

Although I somehow still managed to spend about AUD$1000 (those towers of beer in Singapore don’t come cheap) this trip was totally gifted to me and the other bloggers so of course I’ve shamelessly plugged the companies involved in the hope they decide to do this again – please decide to do this again. Nearly a week in the Maldives and Singapore – you totally would too! 


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