I have been tagged by the lovely Lisa from Two Point Five Kids to tell you five things about myself that you probably don’t already know.
Or maybe you do. There’s over 1200 individual blog posts on this site now and I can’t remember what the hell I’ve written.
The trouble is I’m fairly open and honest about what happens in my life. I’ve blogged about my school days, I always wanted a daughter named Mary, my battle with depression, my love of beer, my need for coffee, my first marriage, my failures and my successes.
I guess I’ll just throw five things at this page and hope you, like me, haven’t recently read my entire blog.
1. I wet my pants in class in grade one at Upper Mount Gravatt Primary School. The teacher wasn’t impressed and made me clean it up with newspaper. Newspaper isn’t very absorbent. Just an observation. It was embarrassing and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t bring it up again.
2. I dislike Bonox. I’m sure there are other foodstuffs I don’t like, but I haven’t struck them yet.
3. I am not gay. This will surprise a lot of people who knew me in the late eighties. FYI guys, having gay friends, disliking sport, wearing nice clothes, wearing (sometimes, just a little, if the moment called for it) makeup and going to nightclubs to dance (even gay nightclubs) doesn’t make you gay. Liking people of the same gender in a sexual way makes you gay. This is where I think you were all getting confused.
4. I’m terrified of elephants. Specifically, riding elephants. It started as a general mistrust of Dumbo and culminated in a near-death experience on my honeymoon when I was strapped onto the back of an elephant and it rolled down an embankment, squashing me under its immense weight into the mud and clay of a riverbank. Actually, all the bits after being strapped onto the back of an elephant were only playing out in my mind, but it was so real I still get chest pains.
5. Even though I have seven wonderful kids, I achieved what I call my bag limit with only one working testicle. It seems my one testicle was doing a stellar job, although on occasion this does make me wonder if there are any little Bruces out there I haven’t been told about. Yes, these are the dumb thoughts which rattle around my skull if I’m left to my own devices too long. Another is that I’m so lucky I only had one working testy because otherwise I might have impregnated Tracey twice as often. Of course, these days I have no working testicles. Too much information? Yeah, okay. I’ll stop now.
Well, this has been awkward…
Share your secrets, begfellas.
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“Raising a family on little more than laughs.”