Avengers – MASSIVE SPOILER ALERT

Dear Readers & Friends,

You know how people say it only takes a moment to do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life?

Well, if you don’t hear from me by later this evening, I just want you to know I have enjoyed sharing our family’s stories and interacting with you online. While there is no immediate danger to me at this time, I have grave concerns this will change from about 4:30 this afternoon.

One thing our eldest son has instilled into me is the importance of not ruining a movie for others by giving away plot points on social media.

Even facial expressions must remain neutral. No hints.

You’re not even allowed to say some fan theory you were discussing previously is wrong.

Nothing.

Now Master27 is a very law and order sort of guy. Laws & regulations are there to be followed, and that’s really all there is to it. But when I saw the recent news story of a guy being beat up coming out of the Avengers movie because he announced the ending to people waiting to go into the cinema I thought to myself, Master27 would totally think that bloke had it coming.

My point is, I’m very careful about not giving away movie endings.

This despite not caring if I know a movie plot before I see a movie myself. I even ask people who’ve seen movies to tell me stuff. I look plots up on IMDB. It doesn’t bother me. By way of a cleverly crafted example, I knew Bruce Willis was dead and I still really enjoyed that movie.

Which is all a far from short winded way of ensuring you I not only don’t make a habit of spoiling movies, I am conscious of keeping my big mouth shut – not easy, as I’m sure any regular reader of my need to overshare would be well aware.

So my point is, I didn’t mean to do this.

*sigh

“Dad!” Master14 exclaimed excitedly as the kids arrived home from school this week. “We’re going to watch Avengers tonight.”

“I thought you were going to the movies to see it on Saturday,” I said.

I got no answer. Or, I wasn’t listening. Either would work as a reason I stuffed up rather monumentally.

While he nuked a packet of popcorn his sisters dumped bags in the middle of the kitchen and disappeared to drag most of their bedrooms into the family room.

At this point, as I sat editing a video on my computer screen, I pondered the idea of chastising him on playing a bootleg copy of the movie which he’d clearly gotten off his friends at school. Then I remembered those ‘you wouldn’t steal a car’ ads at the beginning of movies and all the time I wasted trying to skip past them and moved on. So long as he didn’t download it on my computer, I decided I didn’t care.

A few hours later they were back in the kitchen saying how it was the BEST. MOVIE. THEY’VE EVER. SEEN. Marvel really have done well, I remember thinking, because that’s pretty much the same sentiment I remember hearing a lot from people about the last Avengers movie.

(SPOILER NOTE: Last chance to back out.)

The only complaint, and it wasn’t really that so much as a dig, was Master14 had rewound and made Miss15 sit through what they both agreed was the saddest scene four times – because, I believe, he was enjoying her crying.

“Which bit was that?” I asked.

Master14, who has been well versed in movie etiquette by Master27, said, “I don’t want to spoil it for you.”

I assured them I already knew the plot because I’ve been watching spoiler breakdowns of it on Youtube.

Still reluctant to push this boundary, he suggested I guess.

“It’s when someone dies,” said Miss15.

“Ahhh,” I said knowingly. “Ironman.”

At which point there was an odd pause. I wondered if maybe it was the Black Widow scene.

“He doesn’t die,” said Master14, looking at me like I was a total idiot and giving me the first hint of what I’d just done and causing my stomach to churn a little bit.

Miss15’s face too, was channeling her mother.

“It’s the scene where Spider-Man dies,” she said while I tried to encourage my face into an ‘ohhh, of course, what was I thinking’ expression.

It was suddenly clear to me why they were able to watch ‘Avengers’ on our television.

And why I’m still driving them to Gympie Sovereign Cinema this afternoon.

“Batman, Ant Man, Ironman, Spider-Man, Wonder Wo-Man,” I said lamely. “The names are all too similar for me.”

I am so dead when they realise what I’ve done. It’s going to be a rough drive home when I pick them up. Nice knowing you all.

Bruce x

I will totally be getting some shade this afternoon. At best.

Raising a family on little more than laughs

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