Who Chose This Guy?

OMG, Australia! What have we done?

I saw in the news today that Guy Sebastian has been selected to represent us as a Wild Card entry in Eurovision.

Who made that decision? Have they never watched Eurovision?

What we need is a band made up of bearded transvestites singing in a hamster wheel dressed in KISS hand-me-downs. Obviously. What does Guy bring to the party? A bung eye?

I love Eurovision. I do. I make no bones about it. I love the hair, the dresses, the costumes, the milk maidens, the back up dancers….the milk maidens. Eurovision is fun. Full stop.

Which is why I’m worried about Australia having an entry.

Part of the fun was being able to watch the finals without any emotional attachment and ribbing on the acts while listening to Julia Zemiro and Sam Pang interview these eccentric wunderkind.

Well, sadly, that is all about to change this year and I have a prediction: Australia will not do well in Eurovision.

I love Guy’s work. His songs are funky and he’s got a fantastic voice. But I can tell you that just won’t be enough. Eurovision Song Contest is about more than pretty songs.

In fact, I think our best chance on the 23rd of May will be all those European countries confusing Australia with Austria when they phone their votes in.

But anyway, if we’re invited back next year lets take it more seriously and go with sexy, falsetto vampires playing vegetable flutes with their hair knotted together, so we at least have a shot.

ABC NEWS

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