It’s been my experience an important part of my parenting duties involves lying to my children.
“That drawing looks great. What is it again? An elephant in a tree. Brilliant stuff.”
But some of the biggest lies are told around the dinner table. My parents would make all sorts of stuff up to get me to eat my food. Here’s a few of the things my folks threw at me to encourage me to finish my plate:
- Eat your crusts and you’ll have curly hair.
- Carrots are good for your eyes.
- Baked beans are good for your heart, baked beans make you fart.
And these days, we parents are no different. If our child is fussy enough we all tell little white porkies to get the good stuff down their gullet. We lie like Pommy backpackers on an Aussie beach – till we’re red in the face.
“I don’t like mushrooms.” my mate’s young Miss3 told him the other night as he prepared dinner.
“They’re not mushrooms,” he blatantly lied, like the good parent he is.
“They look like mushrooms,” his daughter insisted.
“No,” he assured her. “These are lollirooms.”
“Oooo,” said his daughter. “I think I like lollirooms.”
Well, of course she did. What’s not to like about lollirooms?
Throwing the word lolly into the mix and having it suddenly become desirable makes perfect sense. I know my kids can’t get enough lolliwater. I’m sure if we called it Coke or Fanta they’d run a mile. Coincidence? I think not.
Tracey’s parents lied to her about one of their regular meals for years – until she was about 14. Unlike my friend’s little Miss3, Tracey was quite happy to eat the mushrooms in her beef & mushroom pies her mum was making. Only it wasn’t steak & mushroom, it was steak and kidney.
“When they told me, I vomited,” remembers Tracey.
Thing is, I’m always looking for fresh ways to get my kids to eat my cooking. This lolli caper sounds brilliant. I’m thinking is lolliliver. I’m thinking lollisquash. I’m thinking lollibussellsprouts. I’m thinking lollilambsbrains.
“It doesn’t work for eggs though,” he told me knowingly.
No Lollieggs. Got it.
But, of course, the thing you’ve really got to watch out for with food-fibs is being outed.
“You know they’re just lying to you,” my mate’s all-knowing oldest daughter told his little Miss3 as they sat at the dinner table “They are mushrooms.”
“No they’re not,” said Miss3. “I don’t like mushrooms. These are lollirooms!”
So hopefully we’ll see some empty plates around here in future. Just like back when I was a young sprog sitting around my parents’ table.
Oh, and FYI, my hair is straight and I need glasses, but if the first part of that baked bean saying is as spot on as the second part, my heart is in tip top shape.
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