Tell Them Sweet Little Lies

broccoli might get stuck in your teeth but french fries will get stuck on your ass

It’s been my experience an important part of my parenting duties involves lying to my children.

“That drawing looks great. What is it again? An elephant in a tree. Brilliant stuff.”

But some of the biggest lies are told around the dinner table. My parents would make all sorts of stuff up to get me to eat my food. Here’s a few of the things my folks threw at me to encourage me to finish my plate:

  • Eat your crusts and you’ll have curly hair.
  • Carrots are good for your eyes.
  • Baked beans are good for your heart, baked beans make you fart.

And these days, we parents are no different. If our child is fussy enough we all tell little white porkies to get the good stuff down their gullet. We lie like Pommy backpackers on an Aussie beach – till we’re red in the face.

“I don’t like mushrooms.” my mate’s young Miss3 told him the other night as he prepared dinner.

“They’re not mushrooms,” he blatantly lied, like the good parent he is.

“They look like mushrooms,” his daughter insisted.

“No,” he assured her. “These are lollirooms.”

“Oooo,” said his daughter. “I think I like lollirooms.”

Well, of course she did. What’s not to like about lollirooms?

Throwing the word lolly into the mix and having it suddenly become desirable makes perfect sense. I know my kids can’t get enough lolliwater. I’m sure if we called it Coke or Fanta they’d run a mile. Coincidence? I think not.

Tracey’s parents lied to her about one of their regular meals for years – until she was about 14. Unlike my friend’s little Miss3, Tracey was quite happy to eat the mushrooms in her beef & mushroom pies her mum was making. Only it wasn’t steak & mushroom, it was steak and kidney.

“When they told me, I vomited,” remembers Tracey.

Thing is, I’m always looking for fresh ways to get my kids to eat my cooking. This lolli caper sounds brilliant. I’m thinking is lolliliver. I’m thinking lollisquash. I’m thinking lollibussellsprouts. I’m thinking lollilambsbrains.

“It doesn’t work for eggs though,” he told me knowingly.

No Lollieggs. Got it.

But, of course, the thing you’ve really got to watch out for with food-fibs is being outed.

“You know they’re just lying to you,” my mate’s all-knowing oldest daughter told his little Miss3 as they sat at the dinner table “They are mushrooms.”

“No they’re not,” said Miss3. “I don’t like mushrooms. These are lollirooms!”

So hopefully we’ll see some empty plates around here in future. Just like back when I was a young sprog sitting around my parents’ table.

Oh, and FYI, my hair is straight and I need glasses, but if the first part of that baked bean saying is as spot on as the second part, my heart is in tip top shape.

i love listening to lies when I know the truth

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 ‘raising a family on little more than laughs’


  • My mum told me that the pumpkin we ate was pretend pumpkin (not always just sometimes). I believed her too until I had a roast dinner next door and asked if it was pretend or real….. yup I caught on pretty fast when the whole family (all 8 of them) looked at me like I was an idiot!

  • Lol. That reminds me that my sister said she didn’t like pumpkin. My dad told her it was a different type of sweet potato…she loved it! It wasn’t until she was 19 and moved out of home when they told her it was pumpkin all along!!

  • OMG, how did I never hear about adding ‘lolli’ to the food name to get the kids to eat it?! I am definitely trying this one tonight 🙂

  • You know what also works? Telling kids stuff you don’t want them to have is medicine. “What’s that drink in there?” “Medicine” “What are you eating dad?” “Medicine”
    Not sure how long it will work but it works for now!
    The irony is, master 3 is actually really good at taking actual medicine!

  • My dad hated chicken or turkey and once commented “this is the best ‘pork’ you have cooked for Christmas”. Mum couldn’t believe her eyes or ears!!!

    • Tracey ate some black pudding tonight thinking it was just a ‘sausage’. We’re still laughing about it. And by we I mean me.

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