This is by no means a complaint against teachers. I love teachers – they provide free babysitting five days a week so I can do housework.
- Alarms. I haven’t used an alarm in months. It’s been lovely. But apparently I have to get up before 7am now. And I say ‘before 7am’ so I don’t sound as lazy as if I said ‘before 9am’, which is more in line with recent daily routines. Thing is, I’ve just trained the kids to make their own breakfast and watch ABC2 and not come into my bedroom every single morning (read as ‘late morning’), and now I’m expected to get out of bed just after sunrise! I hate this so much.
- Lunches. This means some sort of planning rather than opening the pantry and trying to make sense of the ingredients. Who wants a ham and jam sandwich? Cucumber and lettuce? It was a rhetorical question. I don’t care.
- Uniforms. I will pick the least stained and hole-filled shirt for the first day of school so they don’t stand out amongst the other well turned out kids. After that they’ll look pretty much the same as last year. And if I need to buy a new piece of uniform, because other parents type ‘sold’ faster than me on Facebook when a school shirt pops up in my feed, just accept they’ll be way too big – they’re so expensive these days they need to last until they’ve finished grade 12.
- Timing. School starts at about nine but the pubs don’t open until ten. What’s the go with that? (joking) And school finishes at 3pm but most people don’t get out of work until 5pm. Who decided this stuff and why do they hate parents? (not joking)
- Stationery. Not sure you’re going to find hand sanitiser under the word ‘stationery’ in a dictionary. I had to buy some of those too, so I looked it up. Not there. Also, for a country with free mandatory education we’re certainly expected to dig deep into our pockets at this time of year. I really don’t mind too much buying exercise books and pencils, but tissues? Really? If you make the kids cry that much I’d question if you’ve made the right career choice.
- Homework. I’m convinced homework is about blame shifting. You’ve got these kids for about six hours – if you can’t get them to learn stuff in that time what makes you think we can do it between cooking dinner and showers? Think about it, we had them for the five years before they started school and still hadn’t taught them to stop picking their noses. Please stop trying to involve us in homework because we don’t have a degree in teaching. We’re still working on teaching them to make their bloody beds of a morning.
- Hats. Can they leave the damn things at school? You seem to place a lot more emphasis on hats than I do, so let’s remove them from my equation. I’m so sick of looking for the things and they’re usually in the school lost property box anyway.
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“Raising a family on little more than laughs.”