Not Much To Look At


Having a photographer for a mother is obviously having an influence on one of our kids.

“I want to take a picture of you for Mothers Day,” Miss8 told her mother tonight.

“That’ll be nice,” said Tracey.

But Miss8 wasn’t finished yet.

“And I will make you look beautiful!”

Tracey looked a bit stunned by this comment so I entered the conversation at this point. Entered? More jumped into the conversation.

“And how might you be doing that?” I asked my daughter.

I confess, I was grinning like I’d just walked into a brewery. Or maybe out of one.

“You know,” said Miss8, touching her belly and then her hips and then her neck, “I’ll take a bit off these spots in the computer.”

“I think you’ll find I’m already beautiful enough,” said Tracey, finding her voice at last and entering the conversation a sentence or two behind us.

“You are!” Miss8 sensibly agreed.

“Thank you,” said Tracey.

“And after I fix up your body,” Miss8 continued, “I’ll do something with…” she started jabbing at areas of her mother’s face, like the corners of her eyes, with her finger, “…those bits.”

Nearly. Wetting. Myself.

But then Tracey thought I’d had just about enough fun for one night and redirected Miss8’s attention.

“Can you do anything to help your Dad?” she whispered.

I stopped laughing right about here.

“Oh, yes,” said Miss8.  She frowned in my direction for an uncomfortable length of time and then shrugged. She turned to her Mum. “I’ll just take a picture of him next to you.”

“Go on then,” I said, curiosity getting the better of me. “Tell me how will that make me look younger and prettier?”

I assumed there was going to me several minutes of jabbing involved in her answer – chins, creases, hair transplant – but I was wrong.

“It won’t. But next to you Mum looks so beautiful no one will even notice you’re in the photo,” Miss8 said and raced off.

Wait. Did she just insinuate even Photoshop can’t help me?

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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”


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