I can only guess what must have been going through the mind of Miss9 when she cast an eye over my Fathers Day gift.
Last week, the whole class was put to work making one of those handmade-with-love Fathers Day cards which prompts the kids with, “I love you because…” and then inserting their responses. The usual sort of thing kids write, in my experience, is because you give me hugs, because you kick a ball with me and because you help get me out of trouble with Mum. All standards.
Now this was all happening pre-coffee. All the kids were in bed with me, with Miss3 and Miss1 both vying to be the sole child basking in the glory of my attention, meaning I was fending off knees from my nads with, it must be said, only limited success. So, I’ll admit, despite oohing and aahing and saying all the right things, I only half glanced at the laminated A4 sheet of paper.
Which was when the phrase right at the bottom of the sheet caught my eye.
Let me give it to you in a sentence so you can enjoy the full impact.
I love you because you are a weirdo!
“What the hell…?” I said when I read it. “Are you calling me a weirdo?”
I looked up at Miss9. She was grinning madly and nodding at me.
“Yep,” she said. “I love that you’re weird.”
“How am I weird?” I wanted to know.
“How are you not?” Tracey interjected. “You own the Yes, Minister DVD’s and transcripts of the shows.”
“Yeah, you’re superweird, Dad,” said Master8.
“But in a good way,” Miss9 assured me.
“Debatable,” chipped in my wife.
I decided to postpone my coffee a minute and check out a few of the other things Miss9 loves about me.
I love you because I love your blog!
Awww, that’s nice.
I love you because cool things happen!
Now cool is a much better word to use than weirdo. I pointed this out to her as I read the next line.
I love you because you dressed up like a girl!
Ah, yes. She did love that, when I dressed up in drag for the fundraiser at work. Master8 was a little embarrassed for me I think.
From a weird sort of beginning, this was all working out fine, I was thinking. Until I got to the next line.
I love you because you are sometimes scary!
That certainly didn’t strike me as a reason to love someone, unless we’re going for a Marilla Cuthbert sort of a lean.
“What do you mean by that?” I wanted to know. “You know, this is Fathers Day. You’re supposed to be nice to me and make me not regret my decision to give up sleep ins and have you.”
“Like when you chase us around the house being the Bum Monster,” said Miss9.
“Then there’s your driving,” added Tracey with a meaningful roll of her eyes.
I love you because you help but you do not understand!
I think I want something along these lines carved into my tombstone. It seems disappointingly appropriate on so many levels.
“Like when you help me with my homework,” explained Miss9. “You try to help but you really don’t understand what you’re doing.”
And here I thought I was covering myself pretty well. Hmm…maybe not. Fact is, I work in a bank and year 4 Maths gives me a headache. When did they change the way numbers work?
“Just admit it,” said Tracey. “She’s got you pegged.”
She sure does. And now, thanks to her ‘not as flattering as I would have liked’ list, I expect her teacher has as well 🙂
What I have learnt from all this is to pay more attention to what’s written on my cards – who knows what pearlers I’ve missed.
That, and get that first coffee in before they bring them to me.
When not typing away over here and checking his stats every two minutes Bruce Devereaux hangs out at his ‘BIG FAMILY little income’ Facebook Page.
’raising a family on little more than laughs’