Surely, with seven kids, we are destined to have more parenting fails than people with, say, two children. Right? What is probably less forgivable is when we repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over again.
“Waaaaaaah!” came the cry from the bedroom. I was asleep on the lounge because it was too humid for me to sleep in our bedroom and the lounge room has air conditioning.
“What now?” I mumbled, dragging my sorry bum off the lounge. It was early. Too early. Not even 6.30am. I didn’t have to be up for another half an hour. My back was sore because it wasn’t a lovely soft mattress with underlay and crisp cotton sheets. ‘This better be good,’ I thought as I stomped over to the girl’s room to find out what the problem was, ready to do my daddy nut if someone hadn’t lost a limb.
“What’s going on?’ I hissed.
“Th-th-the To-To-Tooth Fairy didn’t co-co-come,” she cried. “Why didn’t she come?”
I was instantly awake. Guilt can do that.
We ace playing Santa and we are at least passable at being the Easter Bunny. So why are we so bad at being the bloody Tooth Fairy?!
Miss5 lost her first tooth on Wednesday and all we had to do was take a glass of water with coins in it and swap it with the glass of water with a tooth in it. Easy, right? Sure, if you remember to do it.
Where we excel with is making excuses for the Tooth Fairy’s poor memory. Miss5 hadn’t even finished her sentence before I was coming up with what I’d say. It went something like this (my thoughts are in the brackets):
“Th-th-the To-(Shit! Not again)-To-Tooth (how am I going to get out of this?) Fairy didn’t (come on, you daft bastard, think) co-co-come. Why didn’t (got it. I’d do what Tracey would do) she (I’ll blame me) come?”
“It was my fault,” I told my little daughter as I gave her a cuddle and Tracey joined us.
My good wife’s face was very animated. I saw it go through the same thought processes I did – ‘Shit! Not again. How are we going to get out of this? Think! I know, I’ll blame Bruce.’
But I was all over it.
“I was sleeping on the lounge. The Tooth Fairy would have been scared off when she saw me,” I told Miss5. Tracey nodded and threw me a look which said, ‘good one’.
“Re-really?” Miss5 sobbed, a little less forcefully.
“Absolutely,” Tracey assured her. “Your father snores and sleeps with his mouth open. She’d be worried about being sucked in. I know I usually am.”
We know about these things. When it comes to the Tooth Fairy, we’ve got experience.
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‘raising a family on little more than laughs’