Fairy Fast Thinking

Businessman Thinking

Surely, with seven kids, we are destined to have more parenting fails than people with, say, two children. Right? What is probably less forgivable is when we repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over again.

“Waaaaaaah!” came the cry from the bedroom. I was asleep on the lounge because it was too humid for me to sleep in our bedroom and the lounge room has air conditioning.

“What now?” I mumbled, dragging my sorry bum off the lounge. It was early. Too early. Not even 6.30am. I didn’t have to be up for another half an hour. My back was sore because it wasn’t a lovely soft mattress with underlay and crisp cotton sheets. ‘This better be good,’ I thought as I stomped over to the girl’s room to find out what the problem was, ready to do my daddy nut if someone hadn’t lost a limb.

“What’s going on?’ I hissed.

“Th-th-the To-To-Tooth Fairy didn’t co-co-come,” she cried. “Why didn’t she come?”

I was instantly awake. Guilt can do that.

We ace playing Santa and we are at least passable at being the Easter Bunny. So why are we so bad at being the bloody Tooth Fairy?!

Miss5 lost her first tooth on Wednesday and all we had to do was take a glass of water with coins in it and swap it with the glass of water with a tooth in it. Easy, right? Sure, if you remember to do it.

Where we excel with is making excuses for the Tooth Fairy’s poor memory. Miss5 hadn’t even finished her sentence before I was coming up with what I’d say. It went something like this (my thoughts are in the brackets):

“Th-th-the To-(Shit! Not again)-To-Tooth (how am I going to get out of this?) Fairy didn’t (come on, you daft bastard, think) co-co-come. Why didn’t (got it. I’d do what Tracey would do) she (I’ll blame me) come?”

“It was my fault,” I told my little daughter as I gave her a cuddle and Tracey joined us.

My good wife’s face was very animated. I saw it go through the same thought processes I did – ‘Shit! Not again. How are we going to get out of this? Think! I know, I’ll blame Bruce.’

But I was all over it.

“I was sleeping on the lounge. The Tooth Fairy would have been scared off when she saw me,” I told Miss5. Tracey nodded and threw me a look which said, ‘good one’.

“Re-really?” Miss5 sobbed, a little less forcefully.

“Absolutely,” Tracey assured her. “Your father snores and sleeps with his mouth open. She’d be worried about being sucked in. I know I usually am.”

We know about these things. When it comes to the Tooth Fairy, we’ve got experience.

life is short smile while you still have teeth

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 ‘raising a family on little more than laughs’



  • Heh. I’ve blamed rain. “Fairies don’t like to fly in rain – you know, like bees” I say, referencing the movie Bee Movie.
    I’ve also blamed the moon phase (“Fairies don’t like to fly at the new moon – they can’t see” and “Fairies don’t like the full moon – they might get seen by the evil goblins”).
    *sigh* One day, the kids will work out that “Fairies don’t like….” is Mum-code for “Oh, crap, I forgot again”

  • The tooth fairy in our house has been blown waaaay off course, not been able to find the tooth due to a messy room, been scared of the dog, suffered heat stroke and was scared of a thunderstorm. I think the record was 4 days in a row that she had issues. Good help is hard to find.

  • Lol, I love the movie “The Tooth Fairy”, in that the tooth fairy is in training and stuffs up on numerous occasions. So when she/he “stuffs up” here we just remind the kids about the movie…covered.

  • I am glad to know my hubby & I arnt the only ones. My Miss4 lost her 2nd tooth last week & was only just old enough to know about the tooth fairy & we completely forgot but so did he thank god. The next nightshw put it under her pillow and I remembered to go in & change it for the money & I couldn’t find the bloody tooth. Next morning she came out & was excited about the money & kept saying I still have a tooth so my husband had to quickly go in and find it b4 she did. Argh it’s so hard to do these things sometimes. P.S. big fan. Read your blog very day

  • Have soo done this a couple of times…after tears from our little man (second night in a row miss toothfairy had forgotten!) I crept outside while the kids watched cartoons and sprinkled glitter all over the window sil and ground. Threw the money on top and ran back inside…it was my fault because I had locked the front door the night before so miss stupid toothfairy couldn’t do her job..

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