F Is For…?


“Holy Ship!” said Master9 whilst playing Awesomenauts on the Xbox with Miss10, Miss7 and me.

I paused the game and I turned menacingly to my son.

“What?” he said innocently.

“You swore,” I said. “In front of your sisters, no less.”

“I didn’t,” insisted Master9, even managing to pull off a fantastic interpretation of the indignant look I give his mother. Who, think of the devil, walked into the room a split second later.

“I heard it too,” Tracey said.

“Yeah,” said Miss4, getting in on the act. “You said holy.”

“I said holy ship, Mum” said Master9. He even managed to grin at her. He’s the bravest of all the Devereaux men. Not so bright, obviously, but brave. “As in a leaky boat that doesn’t float.”

“Is that the F word?” asked Miss4. She’s suddenly become interested in spelling, which you’d think would be a good thing. And it would be, if she was focusing on C for Cat and D for Dog. But no, her interest is firmly focused on this one specific letter. Fortunately, she doesn’t know what the F word is yet, but she’s been fairly single minded lately in her need to find out.

“No,” said Tracey, and Miss4 looked disappointed. Tracey turned back to Master9. “You know it’s not swearing but it sounds like swearing so it kind of is,” Tracey explained and disappeared after he agreed to stick to Awesomenauts and not bring Battleships into the equation.

“No! Such an a s s,” said Master9, less than five minutes later.

Again, the game was paused.

“What?” said Master9. “I didn’t say it, Dad. I spelled it. That’s different.”

I didn’t even get a word in before Tracey was back in the room frowning. Miss7 and I took a step back. We didn’t want to be in the splatter zone.

“You aren’t allowed to say that,” said Tracey.

“What?” asked Master9.

“Don’t be coy,” I said. “Ass. You aren’t allowed to say or spell ass.”

Suddenly Miss7 started giggling. “You said ass, Daddy. Mum, Dad said ass. You’re not allowed to say ass, Daddy. Don’t you know it’s a rude word?”

Don’t you love the way kids think it’s okay to swear if they’re quoting you or the lyrics of a song?

“Oops,” I said, and stepped even further back from my wife.

And then my son said something which made me think maybe I’m wrong about the smarts thing. I mean, credit where credit is due, the boy seems to be able to string an argument together.

“But you tell Dad he’s an ass-tounding father,” he said to his mum.

“Is that the F word?” Miss4 asked.

“Yes,” Tracey told her. “Father is definitely an F word.” 

🙂 please share 🙂

“Raising a family on little more than laughs.” 


  • When my now 23yo daughter was about 4 she was having a really cranky day…nothing was going right for her and I was being a huge PITA (apparently).

    Mid way through the afternoon I suggested she go into her bedroom, lay down on her bed and have some time out, knowing full well that she’d fall asleep and wake in a far happier mood.

    While not happy, she did this, but very shortly
    afterward came running out, both fists clenched and screamed, “F-AAAAA-RRRRRRR-KKKKK” a me…the worst possible word her 4yo self could think of at the time. Then turned and ran back into her room…quite petrified at what I might do, which Incidentally was laugh!!!

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