Big Bitch, Little Bitch


I rarely get one up on my wife. And by rarely, I mean pretty much never. She’d deny it, but she’s just so much better at being annoying than I am.

“You little bitch!” exclaimed Tracey. Grinning, she walked into the lounge room to where I was quietly and deliberately watching telly.

She’d just been shopping.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I grinned back at her without taking my eyes off the screen.

I so knew what she meant.

When I arrived home tonight it was drizzling and I had two bags slung over my shoulders and a box of fruit in my arms. I banged on the door with my elbow (risking a nasty blow to my funny bone) and waited to be let in. Nothing. I banged some more. I couldn’t even hear anyone inside.

I knew what I had to do. Unlock the door. While I can understand they might not have heard my knocking, I’m amazed they didn’t hear the huge sigh of frustration with which I met this realization.

Dumping the box and bags I ferreted through my pockets for the keys. This was when the real fun began.

Two minutes later I had finally stepped into my kitchen where I began to relax for the evening by snapping at my wife, “If you weren’t going to answer the door you might at least have left the outdoor light on for me.”

Tracey popped her head out of the bathroom where she was bathing the kids. “How hard can it be to unlock a door? It’s the blue key,” she reminded me.

“Which would have helped if you’d left a light on,” I whinged.

Maybe if I said it with my hand on my hip while chewing gum I could have sounded more like badly acted drama queen on a sitcom, but personally I think the Emmy was mine. 

The problem is I have no night vision so I had to go through the bunch of keys one by one.

Now I think I know what you’re thinking – Toughen up, princess! Well, stand down, Tracey beat you to it.

And so it was, three hours later, Tracey returned from the shops and I enacted my revenge.

I turned off all the lights and locked the doors so she would suffer my fate. I even turned the microwave clock off. I wanted it to be black.

“It doesn’t bother me,” Tracey laughed. “Unlike you, I can see in the dark. If you really wanted to get me back you should have shut the driveway gate so I’d have to get out of the car. It’s raining cats and dogs out there.”

Damn! She really is so much better at this game than me. But I guess that’s a big part of why I love her so damn much 🙂


Our BIG FAMILY little income Facebook Page
Our BIG FAMILY little income Blog
‘Raising a family on little more than laughs.’

What do you think?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.