Be Cuss I Can

Because it annoys my good wife, but mainly because I’m Aussie white-trash and I think it’s funny, I was teaching my kids a new song tonight which basically just involved saying the words, “Poo, bum, pee, wee,” over and over in any sort of melody which took my fancy.

Naturally, because they’re toilet words, my kids thought this was hilarious. I mean, seriously, step aside High Five, there’s a new act on the block.

After five minutes of this my kids were in uncontrollable hysterics and I was in a lot of trouble with Tracey, so we wrapped it up.

Then Miss8 approached me.

“I know a naughty word,” she told me. “It’s a boy at school’s favourite word. It starts with F.”

Now I was pretty sure I knew where she was going with this, so I asked, “Does is rhyme with truck?”


I was so convinced I knew where it was going that I was a little confused at this point. And curious. “What is it then?”

She lent in close, cupped her hand around my ear and whispered, “Fuck you.”

Out white-trashed by my own little girl. If you need me I’ll be in my trailer looking for the soap.


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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”

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