This Could Have Gone Poorly


As usual, the first I knew there was any sort of problem was screaming.

“What the hell’s going on?” I called out as I put down my cuppa and turned around.

It was the cup of tea which saved me.

Not only did I discover no-one behind me in the hallway – just a towel someone had dumped because apparently the laundry had reached its bag limit – but as I was taking off my headphones the initial ruckus was followed up by thumping through the house, a door slamming, more screaming and then a really big bang. Then silence.

“Who’s out of bed?” I demanded, reluctantly standing to head into the bedrooms.

Naturally, no-one answered.

Screaming I can handle. Door slamming, not so much. Plus I figured the big bang should probably be looked into as well. It’d be an unfortunate development for my sex life if Tracey arrived home later and discovered an unconscious child on the floor somewhere.

What I uncovered as I stomped through the house looking for someone to holler at were five beautiful little children each in their correct beds, asleep.

It was my oldest child who was the problem, as Master24 explained when he poked his head out his room a few seconds later.

“Sorry about that,” he said.

“Was that you?”

“Yeah,” he admitted sheepishly. “Had a wardrobe malfunction.”

After a shower he’d wrapped a towel around himself, grabbed his clothes out of the dryer to take back to his room and then stepped into the hallway – which is when his towel dropped to the ground, setting his nethers free.

“My hands were full so I ran for my room so no one would see me,” he explained.

“After screaming to attract my attention,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, well I kinda panicked.”

He is so my son.

“So why did you scream the second time?”

“I kicked my door shut behind me and tossed the clothes onto the floor, thinking I’d made it.” He sighed. “But my window was wide open. Wide open. I could see cars, the neighbours, the park across the road.”

“And in case they weren’t looking you decided to draw their attention by screaming?” I reminded him, enjoying myself. “Again.”

A point he assures me he recognised immediately, which is why after his second attempt at a Wilhelm Scream he threw himself, commando-like, onto the floor.

The really good news for everyone involved is there’s no unfortunate carpet burns and, given the police haven’t arrived for a quick word, apparently the neighbours are tea drinkers too.

Yeah, now he’s all coy. Note: it was at night. His room was lit up like a beacon hehe

Raising a family on little more than laughs

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