The KISS Principle

The Kath Day & Kel Knight Special. It’s not that special.

Is it just me, or do other couples find they kiss a lot less after they’ve been together a few years?

I remember when Tracey and I were courting: we could spend hours snogging and feel it was time well spent. Now we mainly snatch a peck if one of us is leaving or reentering the house, or when one of us makes the other a cup of tea.

It’s something I’ve thought about at various times throughout our relationship, but it came to a head today when Miss3 came up and gave me a kiss tonight.

Earlier this week I took a tea in to Tracey and I bent in for a kiss and she licked my face.

“Noice,” I said, cleaning my face. “Try again?”

This time she opened her mouth and did the Kath Day and Kel Knight vacuum kiss – involves taking my whole mouth inside hers and then just staying there until I get really uncomfortable and pull my head away (about half a second usually). I don’t mind all this tomfoolery, of course, but sometimes it’s nice to just do something normally.

“How about, for something different, we just try a little proper kiss?” I suggested as I wiped my face again.

Tracey grinned, but agreed. I lent in, fully expecting her to lick me again or latch her mouth around my nose or something equally icky. Instead, pleasantly, I got a little kiss.

“That was nice,” I said. “It’s been a while.”

“Really?” she asked.

I told her it had but she didn’t really believe me until the next day when I took her another tea.

“You were right!” she exclaimed, as though this was something so extraordinary the text books at schools would all need to be withdrawn and rewritten. “I have been licking your face too much. It is so hard just to kiss your lips. Every time I’ve gone to kiss you today it’s taken all my concentration not to stick my tongue out.”

This whole thing probably started as a French kiss gone wrong.

“I’ll have to remember the KISS principle,” Tracey explained.

“Wear pumps & too much makeup?”

“No,” she said. “The Keep It Simple, Stupid principle. Good to see you’re all over the stupid bit though.”

So for the last couple of days Tracey’s been trying really hard. Not, she’ll be the first to admit, with total success, but enough to make me happy.

But while Tracey has been making a real effort to not treat my face like a salt lick or Hoover my lips off, I fear it might all be too late: the collateral damage might already be done.

Sitting at my desk tonight, my three year old daughter came up for a kiss goodnight and licked me from my chin to my nose.

“What the hell was that for?” I spluttered as I wiped my face with my sleeve. I laughed. Who wouldn’t.

“I lub you, Daddy,” said Miss3, then lent in and did it again.

“Tracey!” I called out. I wiped my face again and refused to let Miss3 come in for a third lick. “You broke this one! You need to fix her!”

I really hope she can or I’m going to have to start carrying a towel around with me.

When not typing away over here and checking his stats every two minutes

Bruce Devereaux hangs out at his ‘BIG FAMILY little income’  Facebook Page.

 ’raising a family on little more than laughs’

 

11 Comments

  • i lick my husband all the time, (mainly because it annoys him and i think its funny)
    I’m pleased to read im not the only one!
    i call them bunny licks of love (were rabbit lovers)

    This made me laugh and smile thank you!

  • Our kissing has died down over the course of our marriage. We’re not affectionate people either. With each child, the kissing has died down. Among other things. Baby still demands a lot of my attention. Lol

  • A study was done on kissing couples which showed a lower divorce rate among people who deliberately kissed for at least six seconds a day.
    We put this into practice in our home and we have found it very effective to stop an argument lol.

  • When my husband kisses me before he heads off to work it’s more like a peck from an angry parrot. I think his feathers are ruffled because I get to stay in bed a little longer.

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