Pull up a stool and let’s talk

Thank you to the Dept of Health for sponsoring this important message.

This post is really hard to write. Really hard.

It’s not that I know people who’ve suffered through bowel cancer scares. Even right now. Right now. I have a friend in Gympie who is having treatment.

It’s not that I’ve known people who haven’t come out the other side of a bowel cancer diagnosis. Sadly, I have.

It’s not even the history of bowel cancer in my family which sees me regularly going in for colonoscopies or that Tracey’s had her own bowel issues which opened my eyes to just how much that particular part of our innards doesn’t like to be touched.

The problem is it’s really, really, really hard to avoid puns.

Even my emails to Laura at Society Social, who invited me to partake in this important campaign, was full of them.

Has there been any movement on the brief for this post yet? I messaged her, then giggled way too immaturely for a man in his very late forties.

Butt this is not a joking matter. This is, in fact, an issue I feel I can really get behind. So let’s crack on, shall we?

The thing is, pretending bowel cancer won’t happen to you isn’t going to change whether or not you ultimately fall victim to bowel cancer, it’ll just reduce your chances of getting through it.

In up to 90% of cases, early detection can lead to successful treatment.

And all you have to do is take two simple steps:

Number one: Look out for your free kit sent to you in the mail.

Number two: Complete the kit and put it in the post.

I’m not even including doing the actual business in the steps because most of us do that every day without needing to have it written down.

Sounds easy, but we all know there are mental barriers to this. There are doors on loos for a reason – even in our own homes. No one wants an audience while they’re dropping the kids off at the pool or sinking the Bismark. Especially as it’s pretty much our only chance to catch up on whatever app we’re into at the moment (Hay Day for Tracey: WordTrek for me).

So the idea of mailing a jar of our butt-mud to someone in a lab goes against everything we consider proper in decent society. Or even, let’s be honest, in indecent society.

Fact is, there’s been several times I’ve done a number one and, despite going in with good intentions, not managed a number two.

And yes, that whole section was just so I could put in that one line.

But I mean, it’s true – the mental blocks are the only real blockages to getting a bowel cancer screening test done. It is an uncomfortable thing to consider doing. Most of us won’t even pass wind in company unless we can push blame onto the dog.

My recommendation? Look out for your free bowel cancer screening test in the mail, and then make sure you complete it and send it back. If you want to find out when you will receive yours, you can.

Early detection is always the way to go. The idea we have the ability to do this but we all feel yucky about it so we don’t is, when you really think about it, a crappy excuse. You turd me right, a crappy excuse.

I’ve gotta say, writing this post I feel like I’m in primary school again.

But seriously, just do it. Do the free test and post it back to get it checked. You’ll be glad you’ve dung it.

Actually, ask your partner if they’ve received their kit, too. Why should you have all the fun?

All you have to do is pop your completed kit in the mail – no one will know you’ve even sent something except you and the mailman. And it’s just business as usual for them.

I swear, I didn’t even mean that one!

The facts are that bowel cancer is the second most common cause of cancer deaths in Australia and around 80 Australians die from the disease every week. Also, the risk of bowel cancer increases with age and is significantly greater once you’re over 50. I’ve been sitting with Tracey in a ward when the doctors told a gentleman in a nearby bed it was too late for him to be able to do anything – it’s not something you want to be told.

Meaning, come mid-May, I’m going to actually take my own advice and do this.

I’ve too much to stick around for. I reckon you probably have to.

It wasn’t my plan, but the last line here belongs to Tracey. Giggling, I asked her to read my post to see what she thought. Her verdict?

“You’re a dag.”

She’s so punny.

Thank you to the Dept of Health for sponsoring this important message and reminding me to get this done. I’m fifty on Thursday, so it’s time to take matter into my own hands. Although with luck I can avoid that if I use the kit properly. I’ve a lot of little lives to live for.

Raising a family on little more than laughs


  • I believe the Lions club run a screening through Amcal Chemist $10 for anyone once a year as a fundraising thing – worth checking out

  • I turned in my free kit and it came back positive. One colonoscopy later, the beginnings of a precancerous item, all removed before it developed, on the spot. Was glad I did it. Too important to ignore, and yes your puns are bad. Haha

  • Happy birthday for tomorrow Bruce! ?
    Cooper said “50! He doesn’t look anywhere near 50! 30 maybe.”
    Thought you’d appreciate that! ?

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