My Child Has Discovered Her Superpower

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It’s early days, so I don’t know if I’m going to be able to make money out of this yet, but I suspect one of my daughters might have a superpower.

Personally, I think having a super power would be awful, and it’s not that ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ nonsense. The problem I see is if I were to choose a super power I’d be able to levitate stuff.

Sure, I could lift all those pesky trains off people like constantly happens around here, or stop planes from plummeting into the ground like I’m always seeing, but what I’d actually use my power for is to bring me beer from the fridge and to stop my kids running away from me in shopping centres.

But then I guess we don’t get to choose our superpowers, so I’d probably get something less useful. If comics are to be believed, powers are discovered, given, gifted or stumbled upon.

And they are often revealed when something traumatic happens.

Which is what I’m pretty sure is what has occurred.

I was lying in bed pretending to be asleep this morning – a task made more difficult with Miss6 thumping her feet into my kidneys – when I made this startling discovery which I believe is a direct result of Tracey having lost most of her small bowel – and specifically the bit which reduces odour.

“Did you fart?” Miss6 asked Miss12.

They were both playing on their mother’s computer, which is in our bedroom.

“Not yet,” said Miss12.

And then it happened.


All the evidence I needed was all too soon affronting my senses. This could mean only one thing!

‘OMG,’ I thought. ‘She can see into the future.’

I know I wish I had five seconds notice before Tracey let off. Not saying I could outrun her aromatic assault, but I’d sure like the opportunity to try.

Meanwhile, I’m not sure if the misty cloud in Miss6’s internal crystal ball is only made up of noxious gases yet or can be channeled to something more useful, but I’ll keep you posted as we do some experimentation. I mean how do you even monitarize a five second window into the future? Picking horses is out. Lotto numbers won’t work. I’m open to ideas, just saying.

Still if theres anything in this at the very least, if I start work on her training straight away, I suspect with her help I’ll always have a cold beer magically appearing at my side as I drain my stubby.

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Raising a family on little more than laughs

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