Glorious Coffee

bruce coffee
Me, introducing myself to my new bestie (my stomach doing a cameo).

I’m hopeless at naming things. All things. Babies included. I’m indecisive. I change my mind. I change Tracey’s mind.

When Miss5 was born she was going to be Emily right up until the last week of Tracey’s pregnancy. Then I insisted on calling her Molly. Which was fine except Tracey called our baby Emily for the first three or four months of her life. And every time she did this she would shake her head, correct herself and then give me a withering look.

So I guess it’s nice that, just this once, Tracey gets to change my mind.

A few weeks ago Tracey told me for my birthday this year I’m getting a new coffee machine. We have one already – an Aldi one. It’s fine, but it’s no Nespresso.

“Wow! I wouldn’t have thought we could afford it,” I said to Tracey.

Turns out I was right. She’d just received a phone call from the good people at Gloria Jeans.  I’d won a coffee machine in their online competition.

That’d be right. If I want a new coffee machine for my birthday I have to go out and win the damn thing.

Here’s the thing about competitions: you should go in them. I’ve found the ’25 words or less’ are the ones you want because most people give up on them or write stuff like ’cause I really want it’ instead of something witty or in any way clever. Over the last ten years we’ve won makeup, alcohol (over $3000 worth), tickets to events and all sorts of goodies. If you’ve got a few minutes it is definitely worth your time.

Well, the coffee machine arrived today, and I think we’re going to be the best of friends. I didn’t even glance at the instructions and it worked. It’s like we were made for each other. Plus, because of my new bestie, I’ve discovered Caramel Indulgence, which might well become my post-work coffee of preference.

As soon as I pulled my Gloria Jeans coffee machine out of the box, elbowing the old Aldi machine out of the way, and set it on the counter I decided to nickname it The Predator, because it reminded me of the alien from that movie.

“What?” said Tracey. “No, it doesn’t.”

“Yeah, it does,” I insisted.

“Have you even seen Predator?”

“Not all of it.’

“How much?”

“Opening credits, mainly.” I hate scary movies and suspense in general. As a child (an eighteen year old child) I would hide my face during Murder, She Wrote.

“You’re thinking of the wrong alien. It looks like the alien in Alien,” Tracey told me.

And actually, when I gave my beautiful machine another looking at I had to admit she was right. Not that I saw much of that movie either but I did go out and buy the action figure so my friends would think I was cool.

So, because I’ve allowed Tracey to change my mind, I’m calling my new beautiful coffee machine The Alien.

Not only is this the best birthday present I’ve even won for myself but I’m thinking this just about makes us even for the whole last minute name changing with Miss5.

Tracey, she assures me, does not.

 I think, therefore I've had coffee

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