Dad, Do You Even Know What Sex Is?

Master9 and Cousin10

My youngest son is not impressed with what he learned today.

“I am never having a baby,” he told us in no uncertain terms.


Well, it all started with Miss7’s dress up birthday party today at the local park. Master9, being a chip off the ol’ block, decided to go as a girl, which he thought was hilarious. Unfortunately, this drew some unpleasant comments from another group of boys at the park who didn’t share his sense of humour. They followed Master9, Miss10 and their cousins around and eventually said he should have sex with a boy.

“You don’t even know what sex is,” Miss10 said to them. She wasn’t fazed. She thought they were idiots.

“Do to,” they said. “It’s when two people kiss.”

Master9 rolled his eyes.

“Is not,” he said. Then he pointed at his slightly older cousin. “He looked sex up in the dictionary and it means when two people rub their rude bits together.”

This all made for a very interesting story when I arrived home from work today and, at Tracey’s bidding, the kids retold their run in with a lot of emphasis on how dumb the other kids were. I hate hearing about my kids being hassled but I was really pleased with how my guys handled it. They stuck together and found a way to laugh about it.

“So that’s what sex is, eh?” I said to Master9. I was trying not to laugh but a smirk was definitely in place. “Two people rubbing their privates together?”

“Dad,” he said, “do you even know what sex is?”

Miss10 saved me from having to answer.

“Of course, he does,” she admonished him. Well, she saved me and then tossed me back into the deep end. “Dad’s had sex. How do you think we got here?”

Master9’s jaw dropped as he took this in.

“What?” he said, a look of shock and disgust now etched into his face. “Really, Dad?”

I looked at his horrified little face and very nearly lied. “Umm, yes.”

He gaped. Most people who gape do so deliberately as a joke. This wasn’t one of those fake gapes. This was a genuine gape.

“So it’s true?” he asked me. “You’ve had sex?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it is,” I said in a contrite tone which didn’t match the grin on my face at all.

He kept his disgusted look leveled at me for a few moments longer, then took off towards the office.

“Mum!” he yelled. “Mum! Is it true Dad’s had sex?”

I looked over at Miss10.

“Come on, Dad,” she grinned, chasing after him. “We don’t want to miss this.”

We arrived just as Tracey, who also seemed to be in some sort of physical pain attempting not to laugh at him, was explaining that to make babies you need to have sex. Then she told him a bit about the birds and the bees, because the time to tell them is when they’re asking.

“Not that you’ll have to worry about it for a long, long time yet,” she assured him.

“I’m not going to have to worry about it at all,” he assured her back. “I’m not having babies because I’m never having sex. Ever.”

He seemed so determined that when he left the room I suggested to Tracey that maybe we’ll be looking to the other six for our grandchildren.

But he came good about an hour later.

“Maybe I’ll adopt,” he told us.

Grandad in a set of fairy wings. It’s definitely genetic.

🙂 please share 🙂

“Raising a family on little more than laughs.”


  • Thank you for your post. I love the sense of humour your family has instilled in your children! And I sure bet your son will be saying something different about sex when he is 18.
    Love the way you handled the situation, and more importantly, the way your children stood up together, as a unit, to the older children.
    Parenting reveals the true nature of our actions, in the most basic form, reflected in the eyes of innocence- love it!
    Have a great day 🙂

  • My 14 year old boy walked around town today (yes, the same town Big Family lives in) wearing a tutu and fairy wings over his clothes. It’s great when they have that wacky sense of humour and don’t let others get to them – when some idiot driving by called out that he was ‘gay’, he just laughed it off. It makes me proud. On side note, I’m sure the day will come when Master9 will be horrified to think he never wanted to have sex 😉

    • I think calling someone ‘gay’ as an insult says more about them than the person they’re yelling at.

  • I remember that look of incredulity.

    My older son, probably 10 at the time, brought home the details of how sex works, for a classmate with older siblings. He announced it at bed time. Then thought about then asked:

    “does that mean that you and mummy?”



    and there was the look.

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