Accidentally On Purpose


Have you ever done things to deliberately annoy your partner?

Tracey thinks I do. Last night she all but accused me of ignoring the washing basket on purpose.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s full or empty, you dump your clothes on the floor.”

“Poppycock,” I told her. I figured I probably forgot this one time and she’s exaggerating because it’s frustrating she finds me so perfect in just about every single way.

“You do! Every single day!” she said.

And I have to confess, this morning when I took off my PJ’s for a shower I found myself throwing my off-casts onto the ground.

‘But only because I’m going to pick them up after I shower and put them under my pillow,’ I reminded myself. Only after my shower I didn’t move them, did I.

I told this to a smug looking Tracey, adding, “Well, at least I can still claim I wasn’t doing it deliberately.”

This same sort of issue came up at work this morning when a friend of mine told me she’s dark on their husband at the moment. What’s he done? The unthinkable. He gets six days off in a row every three weeks.

“Well you get weekends,” I said to her, going in to bat for my fellow man.

“So does he!” she told me.

Stuff him, he can bat for himself. The bastard.

Not content to just be jealous of her husband, my friend has taken to waking him up before she goes to work.

“So he can enjoy the day,” she told me, although I didn’t have to be a mind reader to listen between the lines and hear ‘so he can do chores around the house’.

What’s interesting, though, is how she’s waking him up.

“I blow dry my hair in the bathroom,” she told me. “Then I brush my teeth.”

It seems there’s only a thin wall between the bathroom and their bedroom, and the sound a hairdryer and electric toothbrush makes comes through like a brushcutter. Especially when the toothbrush is pressed hard up against the wall.

Another woman I spoke to today admitted leaving peanut butter on a knife because it gives her a giggle when she hears her husband complain about it when he does the washing up, and yet another said she doesn’t wind up the hose when she’s finished with it because her husband doesn’t turn off the light after he’s been in the walk in robe.

It started to make me wonder if maybe my own sweet wife does things to deliberately annoy me.

I thought I’d ask her directly so I called my question out to where she was messing about in her studio.

No answer.

I called again, only louder. And then again, louder.

“Tracey!” I ended up bellowing. “DO YOU EVER DO THINGS TO DELIBERATELY ANNOY M…” I took a deep breath. “You’re doing it now, aren’t you.”

She stuck her smiling head around the door.

“Yep,” she beamed.

I should have known better than to ask.

Wouldn’t have the guts to do this.

 When not typing away over here and checking his stats every two minutes,

Bruce Devereaux hangs out at his ‘BIG FAMILY little income’  Facebook Page.

 ’raising a family on little more than laughs’


  • He told me once that he hates it when I let the toilet lid slam. I wasn’t doing it on purpose THEN. 😉 lol

    My husband can’t see laundry baskets either. I stuck it in the hallway and he walked over it. Then said he didn’t see it. Riiiiiiight.

    • Yes, I hear you 🙂 a girl at work once told me she hates being called ‘petal’. I save it for special occasions, when it just seems to accidentally slip out 😀

  • Hahahaha. I swear my husband does a million things to annoy me (although he claims it’s all unintentional). My biggest pet peeve is when he finishes a roll of toilet paper…just leaves the empty one there. I would stand off and leave it until he changes it, but I need toilet paper myself dammit! I did consider having a secret roll stashed in there that I use until he changes the roll himself, but that would take a lot of effort.
    My great grandmother was famous for getting around my great grandfather (cantankerous old bastard). He insisted on only having some kind of premium brand of bananas. He’d go mental if she bought the wrong type. So she’d buy the cheapest ones and stick the stickers from the last ones on the cheap ones. Over and over. The bugger never caught on. Classic.

    • If this sort of oneupsmanship were a competition, we’d be in different leagues 🙂 She so owns my ass on a daily basis

  • I just sent the link for this to my husband via his work email, so it will be waiting for him first thing Monday morning. He’ll read it,look puzzled, and by the time he gets home he will forget to ask me why I sent it! Why did I send it to him? Because I can! And because he never does anything wrong…

  • My husband can’t stand the sound of the top freezer compartment opening and closing, because it scrapes across the ice. To him, it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard. So that’s where I keep the mint slice. And the mars bars.

  • Just the other night I was having trouble sleeping so I made as much noise as I could in bed to wake my husband up. When he woke up I made him a really strong coffee so I had someone to talk to without the kids driving us nuts…. There’s also the fact that when its his night to wash dishes I make an absolutely beautiful meal with lost of dishes and normally melted cheese…. Oops… And my ability to absolutely look like I’m zoning out or ignoring him while doing something else but I am still listening just not responding- I do it to the kids too… But he gets even there’s the clothes he’s constantly throwing on the floor despite my ‘on the floor out the door’ policy meaning I wash anything that he leaves on the floor whether he wants to wear it later or not…unless he can save it first… There’s his ability to bring out dirty clothes that have been in hiding once I have finally got through days worth… There’s the staring blankly at me when I am trying to explain important things that need to be done, and asking me later… Then there’s the dishes… He washes the dishes but always leaves the cutlery down to the last teaspoon in the sink… Claiming he’ll do it later

  • My husband virtually tears the house to pieces when he rises from slumber. You would have to be dead not to wake up. Especially if he can’t find something.
    I am a good wife. I never ever ever mess with his OCD. I have never left 1 m&m in the packet OR two in two different colours. I have never squeezed the toothpaste from the middle. I have never stood next to him while he meticulously breaks of a perfect rectangle of cling wrap and then while he turned his back, scrunched the corner.

    Wait did I say never? That can’t be right..

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