We took off for the next leg of our adventure today – weaving our way down toward Sydney. Our usual plan is to break the kids up between the car and the bus based on, if we’re honest, whichever personalities are currently hell bent on head-butting each other for our amusement. Unfortunately, today we couldn’t do this because Tracey had to race down ahead of us to a photo shoot at Raby Bay, leaving me with the five kids and a plan.
I was going to impress the pants off my wife. With luck, literally.
I decided I would have everything done by the time she joined us where we’d agreed to put down stumps for the night – the Caboolutre Showgrounds – and then go the extra mile.
And I nearly did it too.
Power leads and hoses in and out of the bus set up? Tick
Beds cleared of the stuff we store on them when we travel and computers set up for work tonight? Tick tick.
Showers sorted? Tick.
Dinner cooked and kids fed? Tickitty tick.
Medicines dealt out? Tick.
Bin emptied and dishes done? Tickitty tick tick tick.
I was on fire. I was in the zone.
Which was when I decided to go for the OMG moment for when Tracey rejoined us. The cherry on top, if you will. The pièces de résistance, if you’ll excuse my French.
“We’re watching a documentary tonight,” I announced to the kids, “for homeschooling. So put your electronics down.”
Okay, so it took many, many increasingly shirty and pitchy utterances of that last sentence before that actually happened, but we got there.
I pulled up Curiosity Stream on my computer and chose episode one of Miracles of Nature, which is hosted by a favourite personality of mine, Richard Hammond. The documentary is basically showcasing ways evolution in nature has inspired unlikely human inventions.
Perfect, I thought to myself incorrectly.
I’ll add here, if you like documentaries you really need to check out Curiosity Stream. I think we pay about $4 a month subscription and it’s brilliantly packed full of them. This isn’t sponsored or asked for, I just love this sort of thing – i.e. really cheap telesitting.
It all went smashingly for the first invention – a submarine which is inspired by, of all things, condors. And to astonished delight, the kids were loving the doco as much as I was.
Next up it was a way nature is helping fighter pilots to not pass out.
“I need to go to the toily,” Miss5 announced, just as Richard started to explain the problem.
“Anyone else need to go?” I asked the kids. I didn’t even get an answer, they were so engrossed in the show, so I didn’t ask them to pause it while I was gone in case their attention lost its way.
Imagining, if I’m honest, the reward I was going to get later tonight from Tracey for incorporating homeschooling into a moving day, I locked the bus and tottled off to the toilet block with Miss5. But by the time I arrived back the documentary wasn’t playing anymore and the kids were a different kind of grossed entirely.
“What the hell happened?” I asked when I was met at the bus door by screaming and unhappy children.
“AHHH!” seemed to be the general consensus on how Richard Hammond and his mates solved the fighter pilot problem. Finally, I got it out of them.
“They cut open a giraffe!” screamed Miss13.
They what now?!
“It was gross! I’m going to have nightmares!” predicted Miss10.
Correctly, it turns out…
…because it’s after midnight and she still seems upset giraffes have blood.
So much blood.
I watched the show myself and it really wasn’t that bad. They even show a happy giraffe (or a giraffe anyway) being released after the op.
Still, on the bright side, after all my good work I did get that OMG moment I was chasing from Tracey. It happened just a few minutes ago actually.
“OMG, you suck!” she cooed to me after the fourth of fifth time Miss10 called us over to her bunk for comfort and to scream at us.
If I’m honest, it wasn’t quite as good as I imagined it’d be. For one thing Tracey’s still overdressed for bed.
Raising a family on little more than laughs