This might be my last post. I don’t think, with a working blog title of ‘Big Family, Little Income’, it would be fair to operate under the false perception I’m battling to make ends meet when in actual fact I’m living in the lap of luxury.
You see, last night, while I was resting my weary head, good fortune smiled down on me and when I awoke this morning it was to a life of caviar and collectibles. In fact, good fortune smiled down not once but twice.
I’ve read stories about people winning lotto and suddenly they’re inundated with requests from family they haven’t seen in years. I posted my good fortune on Facebook and the leaches started to come out of the woodwork. Family begging for a piece of cake. Pathetic really. One old school mate of mine even claimed I owed him fifty dollars. I suggested I’d get my new solicitor straight onto it.
Fortunately, I have one of those now.
My first bit of good fortune was waiting for me when I opened up my emails this morning.
It was only a stroke of luck I actually caught my second windfall. It had somehow landed in my spam folder and very nearly got deleted. Phew!
And while I’m naturally upset at losing so many dear, dear relatives who I’ve never met, I do feel Boris, and whoever the other one is, would want me to celebrate their lives….possibly in London or New York. I’ll find a quiet corner.
Anywho, by my calculations I’m sitting on (40% of 7.2million is 3.12million plus 5.7million outright) eight million eight hundred and twenty thousand dollars! Less fees, which I’ll no doubt have to pay in advance, because that’s how these big money transactions work.
Now, obviously, I’m not an idiot. I’m not about to fall for any ol’ spam which comes my way. There are crooks out there – I know this. So I sent back a couple of emails of my own to try sort out if these were as totally legit as they sounded.
‘Is this real?’ I asked.
That’ll flush them out, I thought. Now all I had to do was wait for a reply. But I didn’t have to wait long because lucky for me Mr Fuku must have been working late in Lome Togo – it would have been 11pm there (I checked) – and I quickly had my answer.
‘Yes is real.’
You can see why he’s a barrister: his command of legalese is very inspiring and reassuring: succinct and avoids that old mistake of muddying the message with commas and pronouns. I think my school mate can kiss his fifty dollars goodbye. There’s no way this legal gun will settle.
So it looks like I’m a few curt emails, and the yet to be discussed small processing fee, off living the good life. I trust you’ve all enjoyed reading about my hand to mouth shenanigans and if you’d like to keep in touch you’ll find me at my new blog, Big Family, Little Red Corvette.
Meanwhile, if anyone else was thinking about putting their hand out I say to you, ‘Get your own rich, dead relative you’ve never met!’
It’s easy, just check your emails.
(because these emails are bogus – just in case I was being too subtle)
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“Raising a family on little more than laughs.”