It’s hard to have a private conversation in a house with five kids running around. The key, I’ve found, is to maintain eye contact or Tracey gets distracted.
“Shhh!” Tracey hissed at me as she looked pointedly over my shoulder. It seemed we weren’t alone.
Behind me, Master9 had just walked into the kitchen.
I turned and met his eye. Tracey was looking at him too. He stopped and looked from one of us to the other and back again.
“What are you talking about?” he asked us suspiciously.
“Nothing,” Tracey and I said together.
“Now leave the room,” I added.
He left the room.
“I know you’re just hiding around the corner,” I said, and was rewarded with a giggle. “Now go to your bedroom and do homework or something.”
The sort of thing we were discussing wasn’t the sort of thing we thought he’d be keen to hear, even though at the moment he wrongly thought he was keen to hear it. In fact, he’d need therapy if he knew what we were talking about and one day, if he ever recalls this conversation and works out the sort of thing we wouldn’t let him overhear, he’ll thank us. A lot.
That’s right, we were discussing sex.
Or, to be more precise, I’d begun my begging ritual in anticipation of a fireworks display sometime in the near to nearish future.
I don’t want you thinking there’s no spontaneity in our sex life either. It’s just with this many kids and both of us working on our computers once the munchkins go to bed our spontaneity tends to kick in way before the event. More of a “let’s try get to bed a little early tonight” rather than an “I’ll give you two guesses what that thing is jabbing into the small of your back”.
And I was doing pretty well tonight too until little big ears came along.
“So…” I went to continue when we were finally free of the squirt.
“Shhh,” said Tracey again, and I spun around to see who was behind me this time.
But there was no one.
I turned back around – there was more ‘no one’. As in I was now all alone in the kitchen. My wife had disappeared while my back was turned.
Yep, it sure is hard to maintain a private conversation when you have five kids in the house. The key, I’ve found, is to maintain eye contact or Tracey gets away.
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