You’d think I’d done this a hundred times and I’m sure the other parents were nodding and chatting quietly amongst themselves at how effortless I made it look.
But then, sitting on the mat with the other mums and dads singing the morning song, I suddenly caught a whiff of something all too familiar. I shoved my nose into Miss1’s nappy, but wasn’t tempted to make gagging noises, so it wasn’t there. I looked around me. There were several toddlers, but none had a nappy hanging low and kicking around their ankles. I looked at Miss4 – had she tooted and followed through?
All of a sudden I realised it was me. No I hadn’t soiled my undies. Sometime between home and pre-prep I’d stepped in a pile of dog-porridge.
Sadly, this is far from the first time I’ve done this sort of thing as my feet seem to attract poo.
A few years ago I was rewarded with a three day whirlwind trip to Queenstown in New Zealand because I was so awesomely awesome at my job (and I have a glass statuette to prove it). Actually what I was really, really good at was writing up how awesomely awesome I was at my job and making sure the right person in head office got a copy.
My creative writing skills were repaid handsomely with an all expense paid holiday with activities galore and food so good I swear I can still taste it.
One of the highlights of the weekend was a jet boat and helicopter experience.
Disembarking from the jet boat at a preordained spot up a long shallow and very cold river, the thirty or so people I was with were shepherded through a field with long wet grass to the waiting helicopters. And do you know, of the entire party I was the only one to step into a fresh cow pat just before boarding.
And it wasn’t the offering of a small cow either. I swear I went in ankle deep. I spent the entire flight trying not to stink out the confined little cabin instead of enjoying the view. On the other hand I was too annoyed to be scared about plummeting to the ground and dying painfully at the centre of a huge fireball,so there was an upside.
Unlike this morning.
Two thirds of the way through the morning song I was thinking I’d gotten away with dragging poo into their fresh, clean classroom. All I had to do when the song finished would be to rub shoulders with the non-poo carting parents as I walked nonchalantly out the door. The grass outside would take care of the evidence.
But when the song was three bars from the end Miss4 shot up on her feet, pointed at my shoe and yelled, “POO!” at the top of her voice.
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“Raising a family on little more than laughs”