Ten Things To Look For On ‘The Project’

A lifetime in the making, a cast of thousands, a budget the size of a large country loaf and we are on the verge of my first tv interview being aired.

Tomorrow night The Project looks set to air a story on Daddy Bloggers and how phenomenal we are. Or, they’re going to take the micky out of us on national television. It could go either way, but I’m hoping for a combination of both.

“Don’t worry. If you muck it up we’ll just reshoot. They’ll fix it up and make you look good in editing,” was the sort of thing the lovely Karryn kept saying to calm me down.

“Are you kidding?” I told her. “Have you even seen the show? If I stuff this up they will almost certainly be the bits they keep in!”

But I don’t mind. So long as it’s Hughesy giving me curry and he promises to come to dinner if he ever passes through G-town.

Moments which, although by no means likely to make the final cut, I feel you should look out for, include:

1. Me suggesting, as Tracey went off to pick up the kids, the camera crew gets a before and after shot of the balcony because a child tsunami was about to hit.
2. Look closely and you might notice some under boob sweat. On me, not Tracey.
3. Tracey using an imaginary fishing rod to reel me in because, “I’m a catch.”
4. Grandma, who we’d asked to come help manhandle the kids, but who insisted she didn’t want a thing to do with the camera, arriving with new hair & new clothes and turned out to within an inch of her life. Only the red carpet was missing, daaarlings.
5. After dishing out spicy mint potatoes for Miss6 and Miss9 they both inform me they ‘don’t like that’ and then you’ll hear me saying, “you could have lied for the camera.”
6. Miss9, Master8 and Miss6 telling a story to the camera which included the phrase, “everyone thought it was Grandad farting.”
7. During the above story listen for a grunt off screen. I was holding Miss3 and that’s the sound of her gently kicking me in the nads.
8. While they were filming me typing I began writing a scene about two boys watching a caretaker walk across the runway to a parked plane to tell the pilot to take off, and notes for this post.
9. While they were filming my laptop over my shoulder I typed the following, “There are other moments but for the life of me I can’t think of them while the camera is rolling over my shoulder. He’s behin-” Then he laughed and I realized he was reading as I typed.
10. My number one son saying lovely things about me. I must remember to send him money.

 So it’s Channel Ten tomorrow night, Friday, 6.30 – 7.30pm. THE PROJECT.

Don’t miss it or you won’t know what everyone is mocking me for.

To be honest, I think it all went well. Mostly, I was just thrilled Master8 kept his pants on for the entire shoot both days the crew were here.

Having said that, here’s hoping I can still show my face at work on Monday.

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