Ten Things My Kids Don’t Learning Good

 

1. Cleaning. 

Despite what they see their grandfathers doing, I’ve tried to explain to my kids cleaning isn’t a spectator sport. In fact, they might find picking up toys is just as much fun as dropping them, which seems to be their absolute favourite thing in the whole wide world to do. After you pick toys up, I’ve told them, you get to drop them in the toy box. Win-win. So far they’ve been a bit slow on the uptake.

2. Hand Signals.

I swear I encourage my kids to wave with all the fingers on their hand. I don’t know, I get cut off by one idiot talking on his mobile and next thing I know one of my little people is only using two fingers to wave goodbye to Grandma. I’ve tried to tell Miss3, if you’re going to keep that up at least spin your hand around.

3. Manners.

I suspect instead of teaching my kids manners what I’m actually teaching them the art of hollaback. They only seem to say please and thank you after I say, “What do we say?”

4. Sharing.

Nothing makes you prouder than seeing one of your kids sharing. Miss3 did this recently, snatching a Dora bag out of Miss1’s hands. When I pulled her up on it Miss3 simply said, “I sharing.” So proud.

5. Bath Room.

If, on my children’s bi-minute search of the house to find me (I swear they’ve organized patrols, like in prison camps), I am on the loo or in the shower, they don’t bat an eyelid. While I have no issue if they want to either sit and chat or, if the smell is too offensive, to leave, I would really appreciate it if they would please shut the bleeding door as I cannot do it myself from the shower or the loo.

6. Bath Water. 

It’s called bath water because it’s supposed to stay in the bath, as opposed to mop water, which is for cleaning the bathroom tiles. They are totally different. Is it too much to ask my kids stop confusing the two? Also, if someone knows a way to convince my kids the dog bowl isn’t for refreshing yourself after a couple laps of the balcony on your trike, I’m all ears.

7. Waking up. 

I can only assume my children’s inability to whisper is the reason they all wake up within minutes of each other. They don’t necessarily go out of their way to wake each other up, especially as I’ve explained the seriousness of this crime and the penalties involved. However, it is difficult for any child to sleep through someone yelling, “Are you still asleep?” at them from the edge of their pillow.

8.  Clothes.

Once I dress the kids, that should be it. Done. It’s time for them to go play in a room far, far away from me and my coffee.  Furthermore, I don’t keep their toys in with their clothes, so they’ve really no need to look between the shirts or at the bottom of your sock draw for a Little People, Barbie or a dinosaur. So why won’t they stop pulling the entire contents of their wardrobes out onto their floor? Or, if they can’t stop, at least wait until their mother is home.

9. Homework. 

You won’t believe how often the teachers send home sheets of equations they have never explained to their classes. Certainly, from the blank looks on my children’s faces, this seems to be the case more often than not. Either that or my kids habitually take their pee break during maths. What really annoys me though, is when I do sit down and help the kids to work out their sums and they don’t remember to hand their homework sheets in. I want to know if I got the answers right!

10. Privacy.

How do you explain to a kid, when my bedroom door is closed, go away? Seriously, can’t they just give me a minute? If I know they’re about the house, two minutes, max. We’re fully aware we can’t drag this out but they should trust me on this, their mother and I will both be in a much more hospitable mood if they give us a sec.

Raising a family on little more than laughs

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12 Comments

  • TEARS are streaming down my cheeks…I’m about to go searching for the spy camera’s around my house. You’ve been peeking in on us, haven’t you?!?!?!?! THAT IS GOLD!!! ROFLMAO

  • I have an easy solution …ok, maybe easy is the wrong word..a solution anyway, to the clothes problem. Make all the children, yes all of them, sit cross legged on the floor against the wall, all waiting, as each child in turn….start with the youngest first,… re-folds and puts away their own clothes. After their turn they have to return to the waiting line. I promise you, by the time ALL the clothes are put away, your children will never go pull all their clothes out again. You’ll be lucky if you can get them to go to the drawers to put a shirt on ever again.
    Of course this system can take, maybe, 4 hours to get through, which is the whole point, but hey I said it was a solution not a painless solution.
    ps NO coffee breaks. It doesn’t work if you don’t suffer too 🙂

  • Love it! You could have been describing life at our house! The only way we found to stop the children drinking the (cat, in our case) water was to place the water on a very high shelf out of their reach… at which point the cat decided it was too much effort to get to, and now drinks out of the toilet (and you should see her disgusted face if someone has been a bit ‘smelly’ in there…) Thankfully none of the kids have started following her example of drinking from the loo (though it may just be a matter of time, I am sure at some point they will decide that hunting for their water bottles is too hard, and the loo very handy!)

  • Hollaback – I almost spat my tea! So. True. Haha

    I remember when my second son was one – he would come up to my eldest, say ‘share’ and then try to take his toy from him. He’d obviously learnt his brother’s lesson well 🙂

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