“Did you order more shirts?” my wife asked me accusingly.
“Sure did,” I called back cheerfully.
Every now and then I like to restock my wardrobe with t-shirts,
a) because they’re as far from the button up business shirt with a tie I’ve worn daily since grade nine,
b) they make me happy,
c) they’re cheap if I purchase a ‘grab bag’ from the online store whereby you just get an assortment of random tees in your size, which brings me to,
d) I like the surprise when the box arrives because, as Forrest taught us, there’s joy in not knowing what you’re gonna get.
Turned out the surprise element was especially strong with this lot.
“But why?” Tracey called back. “You just got nine.”
I chuckled. This was playing out exactly how I envisioned it.
Some top shelf canoodling was, I assured myself, assured.
“Just open it up and have a look,” I called out.
There was a pause in the conversation which I imagined involved Tracey pulling a knife out of the drawer to slice the box open, then reaching in to pull out the first shirt.
“Actually, they’re great,” Tracey said. “There’s a cool Wednesday one. I don’t know what the next two ahhhh the Snoopy one is a bit off.”
“I just thought you might like them for around the house,” I said, coming into the room.”
I just thought this way you’ll stop wearing mine around the house, is what I meant.
“Me?” said Tracey, confused. “These are yours.”
At which point I got to explain I’d gone and done a wonderful thing. After my last lot of tees arrived I shared some photos online and someone asked where I got them so I grabbed them the link. In doing so I noticed there was a super special on in Womens Mediums, so I selflessly thought of my gorgeous wife and ordered her five randoms for US$24. Also because I was pretty sure I’d want sex on the day she got a pleasant surprise when they arrived in the mail.
Which was the moment my ‘I’m such a lovely hubby’ plan to key up some canoodling all fell by the wayside because Tracey didn’t believe me. Primarily because…
“But I don’t take an XXL.”
If there’s anything which will kill the moment more than purchasing a garment for your missus which is three sizes too big I haven’t heard of it. A framed photo of your ex-girlfriend?
Luckily for me I hadn’t done either of these things.
Turns out, through some unfortunate (wonderful?) turn of computer glitchy events, the good people at the tee company had packaged and sent a repeat of my previous nine shirt US$81 order instead of my surprise five tees for my lovely wife.
Regardless, I didn’t ask but assumed day sex was off the table.
But on the bright side, I have another nine absolutely cracker tees for summer. I’m calling it a win.
Raising a family on little more than laughs