funny

Ten Things New Dads Should Know About New Mums

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Having a baby? Great. Think you’ve got it covered? Fantastic.

You’re wrong, of course, but good to see some positive thinking. Just a heads up – the baby isn’t your problem. Everything you think you know about your wife is wrong. Why? Because she’s a mother now, and mother trumps wife trumps lover trumps drinking buddy.

But don’t panic, I’ve got your back.

Dr Tracey, Sarcasm Woman

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“Why are you up already?” Tracey asked me this morning. It was 6am. I never see 6am.

“Not well,” I said, holding my stomach. “I’ve had cramps for an hour and now my head hurts.” Put simply, I’m not well today.

Fortunately there’s a doctor in the house, albeit an unqualified, uneducated, sarcastic one.

My Father’s Son

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Depending on the task at hand, work can be a lot harder than being at home.

But humans have adapted to hot and cold climates, high altitudes, droughts and all sorts of conditions, so I’ve put my best foot forward. Oh, yes, I’ve adapted to my work environment and learned to nap on my feet.