Today was the first and only day I can ever recall thinking we should at least consider home schooling.
And bear in mind, I hate helping my kids with homework. Almost as much as they hate me helping them.
Can I just state, categorically, I’ve had ‘the sex talk’ with enough of my kids to feel very comfortable talking about that sort of thing with them. Having already raised two wonderful children to adulthood, I thought I’d heard, and answered, just about every question or scenario a kid could throw at me.
I was wrong.
“There’s this guy at school who is gross,” Master9 told us at dinner tonight.
“Nose picker?” I asked. “Does he eat it?”
The table erupted into ewwwws.
“No,” said Master9. “He says when he grows up he wants to work in a girls strip club.”
When I was nine I wanted to be a fireman.
Now the whole table was eerily quiet, looking firstly at Master9 and then at me.
I’ve got to admit, I didn’t know where to go with this, I was just hoping either he’d miss-said what he said or I’d misheard what I heard. No such luck.
“What’s a girls strip club?” asked Miss7.
“It’s where they take off their clothes,” said Miss10.
“Ewwww,” said Miss4. “They get naked?”
“Why does he want to work in a girls strip club?” I asked Master9 before any more strip club details could be revealed. How does this kid even know about girls strip clubs? was what I really wanted to know. For that matter, how does Miss10?
And the reason he wants to work in a strip club?
“So he can get a good girlfriend,” said Master9.
My entire single life it turns out I was looking for love in all the wrong places, because what you really want in a ‘good’ girlfriend is sensational lap-dancing abilities.
“I will never work in a girls strip club,” piped in Miss7.
“Oh, good,” I stammered. “That’s a good decision.”
Less chance she’ll meet this kid socially.
I think this talk has gone well. Or, at least, as well as it could have. But while I’m notching it up as a win I am starting to wonder about sending them back to their school in the morning, or any place they can be in contact with other children.
I mean seriously, people, strip clubs?
Can’t we all agree to talk to our kids about nose picking like normal parents?
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