Odd Balls & Bikes

“AHH!” yelled Master12 from the back seat of the car.

“What’s going on back there?” Tracey called over her shoulder.

We were heading into Ballina to check out push bikes at their recycle centre, Ballina Junction – read as, going to the tip to shop – and because we’d dragged the kids away from what they wanted to be doing – read as, Minecraft – they were being argumentative little shits.

“She whacked me in the nuts,” Master12 whimpered.

“Guys! What have we said about your brother’s nuts?” I called out.

“Don’t hit them?” said Miss7, even while he older sister was trying to explain she didn’t hit them so much as drop an elbow into them while she was trying to make herself more comfortable.

“Of course, don’t hit them,” Tracey said. “It really hurts.”

“How would you know, Mum?” Master12 wanted to know. I was just about to explain I don’t have to give birth to know it hurts like a bitch when he went on with a follow up question, “Is it like getting hit in the vagina?”

At which point I decided to let Tracey handle this, and to focus on my driving.

But this wasn’t even the oddest conversation of the day.

“We actually had eight kids but one of them didn’t make it,” Miss10 said to a bloke this morning who was here to check out our bus and not so much for our family history. There was no segue to this. We were actually discussing the bus he’s currently doing up to take his family on the road. “But if Charlie made it,” Miss10 went on, oblivious to my mental insistence she please stop, “then we wouldn’t have Sophie. Mum and Dad had to do it lots,” – said while banging her fists together to indicate…well….banging – “to get her.”

Enter the sort of pregnant pause you get when you’re expecting triplets.

There’s always a couple of ways to go with these sorts of discussions. What I really wanted to do was explain there has never been a discussion with any of our children about the amount of sex we have, regardless of how informed this one sounded.

Tracey, who’s much better in these social situations than me, just shook her head and grabbed hold of the dinning table.

“When she opens her mouth we all brace ourselves,” she said.

Whereas I think the same can be said for any of our children.

“So the thing is,” Tracey went on in her mini-lecture to the kids in the car, “hitting anywhere is bad. Anywhere. But especially, for your brother, in the testicles. Otherwise he might not be able to have kids when he’s older if it does damage.”

“Like with Dad,” agreed Miss13.

“Dad’s had lots of kids,” Miss7 corrected her.

“Yes,” agreed Miss10, “but he damaged one of his testicles when he was a kid so he couldn’t have all the kids he should have.”

“I got all the kids I wanted,” I quickly explained. More even, if I’m honest. But I see that as akin to falling on my feet.

“Well I want kids,” said Master12, finding his voice, “so everyone leave my nuts alone.”

“It was an accident!” said Miss10.

“So were most of us,” giggled Miss13.

At least I’m pretty sure that’s what she said. Throughout all this Miss5 was singing a song of her own making and slowly been getting louder and louder. It was at this point I was finally able to make out the lyrics.

Well…lyric. It was essentially one word over and over and over, sung with flourishes in her sweet voice.

“Di-arr-hea,” she sang. “Diarr-heeaaaaaa. Di-arr-heaaaa.”

Can only assume she thought her siblings were being shits too.

GreenAF. Loving this.
We’ve been hitting the ops shop this week looking for a couple of items to help us on our travels. Specifically, we needed small bikes for our youngest three. We didn’t bring their own because we couldn’t fit them on the bike rack behind the bus, but riding has become such a big thing for the kids we decided we can move with them tied inside the bus.
Miss10 thought this was some sort of scooter. I insisted we not tell her otherwise.
Miss5 had her heart set on a pink bike. Any pink bike. Or purple. Unfortunately, they just didn’t work out.
The basket sold this one for Miss10. I’m hoping it just needs some air in the tyres, then it’ll be $15 well spent. I think Miss10 is really starting to understand how special this Big Lap holiday is: “Daddy, I love spending quantity time with you.”
We didn’t buy this but Tracey thinks she might head back in to see if it’s still there. We’ll fit it in somewhere. For a while anyway. 
Some very, very excited girls…and Miss5, who at this point wasn’t thrilled her bike was blue. Later in the car she insisted all her whinging and frowning and crying was just part of the ‘joke’. Total spend $35.
Took a spin around Byron Bay. The view from up here at the lighthouse is spectacular. Just disappointed it costs money to park anywhere. So we didn’t. 

The whole region is picture postcard ready.

Raising a family on little more than laughs

1 Comment

  • My sister, Miss 18 and I went to Byron Bay last year. I paid to park and they decided they didn’t want to get out because it was to windy. They were told I’d just paid $8 for parking, you will get out for a walk and you will enjoy yourself!! Just hold on tight to the railings though.

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