The 19th of September is more fun than Christmas. There, I’ve said it. Plus it’s cheaper by a nautical mile. Here’s a quick list of some of the fun we had on International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
1. House proud. To Tracey before we got out of bed: “Aye been polishing ma deck all morning. Would yee care to take aarr look?”
2. Picking pirate names. The school kids chose Captain Shiplips, Captain Hairydeck and Captain Shipbeard. Enough said really. Except to say that Miss7 was really hoping a teacher would accuse her of swearing so she could say, “I said Captain Shipbeard, not Shitbeard. I would never swear and say shit. Shit is a bad word.” So in essence, she was really hoping a teacher would accuse her of swearing so she could swear.
3. Lost In Translation. My pirate accent being so bad I was asked if it was St Patrick’s day.
4. Best pirate joke I was told. Why was the pirate scared of the circle? Because s’curvy.
5. Discussing parrot alternatives. “Where’s your parrot?” I had someone ask me today, and I had to confess I didn’t have one. “But aye do ‘ave aaarrr great cock,” I told them. “Only the wee thing is shy and no amount of coaxing will convince the darn thing up to my shoulder. But aye keep trying.”
6. Hands off my booty! Horrifying the girls at work by yelling, “Want to see my pirate chest?” then lifting up my shirt and exposing my man-boobs.
7. Getting The Kids Tongue Tied. Having the kids hold their tongue while they say, “I was born on a pirate ship.” Master9 got me back by having me hold mine and say, “Cleaning ladies’ glasses.”
8. Rhymes with truck. Tracey realizing that when she says freakin’ in a pirate accent it sounds like a word we don’t want our crew repeating.
9. A Bit Of Arrrr Misundarrrrstanding. Trying to teach Miss2 to say Arrrr, which she took to be a dog’s arrruff, which resulted in her pretending to be a dog and sticking her whole face in the dog bowl for a drink.
10. Spreading the lurv. Captain Hairydeck (Master9) says his maties at school jumped on board and became Captain Hairybum, Captain Hairyass and Captain Hairypenis. Dear parents of my son’s friends. You’re welcome.
Why everyone in the world isn’t getting caught up in this day is beyond me. It’s hilarious fun for the whole family.
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“Raising a family on little more than laughs.”