It started with a colourful silvery bit of foil on the ground outside which I was, secretly, thrilled to have found – for reasons which will become obvious.
“Whose is this?” I called out to the kids.
My question was, unsurprisingly, met with complete silence. Probably because I was in the gazebo and they were all in the bus.
“I said, who’s left their egg wrapping on the ground out here,” I said, repeating myself as I climbed the steps into the bus where I felt sure they were all hiding. They weren’t. I could see all five of them in various seats and beds with their faces lit up by screens.
If turning your head made a sound there still wouldn’t have been any noise because no one so much as flicked an eyeball in my direction, let alone looked up.
Then I spotted something all too familiar on the floor of the cabin.
“And in here too?”
I even stepped on a bit of either chocolate or poo. I hoped the former as I peeled it off the bottom of my thong, considered eating it but, seeing as we hadn’t mopped out the bus in a couple of days, regretfully tossed it into the bin.
Still no one had acknowledged me, let alone come clean on admitting they’d made the trail of mess from the gazebos outside where we’d celebrated and broke chocolate for breakfast.
Then I saw even more of the stuff!
“And on the dinning table! Dammit, kids, I said you have to eat your chocolate without making a mess.”
Wrappers I can understand, but chocolate? That stuff was gold when I was a kid. If I’d fumbled a bit I’d have dropped like a durry behind a dunny. I’d possibly even have beaten the chocolate to the ground in an effort to pick it back up and return it to it’s proper place – my belly.
The trail of tiny and not so tiny egg wrappings lead all the way to my keyboard.
This was crossing a line. This was going to cost them.
“Guys! Not cool! Not at my computer. No food. Ever. Especially chocolate. It melts.”
Thankfully, it hadn’t yet. Well, not completely. Meaning this bit I could pick up and pop in my mouth.
Still no one was listening…so I did that wonderful modern attention grabber and turned off the modem.
Suddenly heads were popping up everywhere.
“Which one of you kids,” I said in a calm, even, Daddy voice, “left all these wrappers throughout the bus and, more importantly, ate chocolate at my desk?”
I got nothing but repeated reminders I’d promised they could play Minecraft until lunch because it was Easter Sunday.
So I gave up. There was a good chance they had so much sugar in them by this stage I was never gonna catch them even if someone did confess. So I sat down to check my emails (read as, watch Youtube).
Which was when my screen woke up and presented me with the following video I’ve labelled Exhibit AAA (because A to ZZ was taken up with all the foil I’d picked up), and I was able to mutter the immortal line of retired detectives and cops the world over:
For future reference, it also explained where I was going wrong in my questioning – I said ‘which one’ which meant they could all think ‘I didn’t do it all so I’m don’t have to put my hand up’.
On the bright side, the video gave me a very clear indication of whose chocolate I was going to eat first. You know, as a punishment. Because I’m a good dad.
On the not so bright side, it did explain about that bit of chocolate I found on my keyboard…
Their love of Photo Booth has become their downfall. This video went on and on and on. Condensed it to a minute. Ate their chocolate while I did it.
Tracey would love to take your family’s photos.
These are the dates showing where we’ll be when:
Ballina/Lismore Regions until the 2oth April
Tamworth Region 21st April to 24th April
Sydney Region 25th April to 5th May
Canberra Region 7th May to 19th May
Wagga Wagga 20th May to 23rd May
Bathurst 26th May to 29th May
Sydney Region first week of June
If you’d like to make an enquiry please contact Tracey at firstname.lastname@example.org
Also, if you know of anyone in these areas who might like family photos done, please let them know we’re in the area or just pass this post on. Word of mouth is priceless for us. Cheers x
Raising a family on little more than laughs