‘You just can’t beat those genetics!’ the text message from a friend of mine, an ex colleague, read a couple of nights ago.
She was rather hilariously referring to an incident I’d rather hoped she’d forgotten about…
“They’re shorts,” I explained to Tracey for the sixth time. By now I was using tone and eye rolling with abandon.
“No,” she said, shaking her head in a familiar ‘you’re so stupid’ manner. “They are not.”
While I’m loathe to agree with her, the fact is they were not.
This was about a year ago, and as luck would have it I had a friend pop over one night shortly after this conversation.
“Hi!” I exclaimed, meeting her, this same ex work colleague, on our balcony.
“Hel-,” she started, and then seemed to falter before finishing with, “-loooo….”
“What can I do for you?” I asked, wondering why she was suddenly looking everywhere but at me.
The reason, I discovered a week or so later when I happened to glance at myself as I walked past the mirrored wardrobe in our bedroom, was my inappropriate attire.
“Jeezus,” I hissed at her a couple of weeks later when we caught up at Little Athletics. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
Unsurprisingly, Tracey chose this moment to throw in another ‘you’re so stupid’ look.
I deserved it.
The ‘shorts’ I was wearing were in fact trunks. Batman trunks, which you’d think would make everything okay, but no. Even I have to agree the Dark Knight and all his fancy gadgets and money couldn’t fix this. Rather dumbfully, I’d taken to sleeping in trunks because I figured they were comfortable and I didn’t have to dash for our bedroom if someone dropped in.
Even I’m shaking my head at me now in a ‘you’re so stupid’ manner.
Much like hot pants, trunks, it transpires, don’t leave a lot to the imagination.
But whereas hot pants, or anything from the Lorna Jane range, look hot and sexy and are generally approved of, trunks do and are not.
A point which even my ten year old son seems to have cottoned onto.
“Oops,” he said, when he walked out onto the balcony to discover my ex work colleague’s husband and daughter (a school friend of his) had arrived to give us a lovely home cooked meal to help while Tracey is in hospital. “I better go and put some shorts on.”
Turns out, when it comes to fashion sense, he’s his mother’s son. Probably a good thing.
And because I can’t wait another day to give you this FANTASTIC news, here it is – Tracey stood up today!! On her feet and everything! Look at that expression. She’s so determined to get home to her kids it’s just about all she talks about. I mean I’ve tried to bring sex into our conversations but that topic isn’t gaining any traction at all 😉 Sadly, I was home when she made these small steps for mankind but big steps for the woman involved, but that doesn’t stop me from being over the moon. You are amazing, Tracey! I love you xxx
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“Raising a family on little more than laughs.”