I’m lost. Numb and lost. My problem is I don’t know what to do about the bombing in Manchester.
I don’t want to in any way take away from the anguish the family and friends of the victims are experiencing, but my problem is closer to home.
Even typing that it comes across to me as callous. Please don’t think that. I’ve welled up when the names and images of the first two victims were named. Kids. Just kids out having fun. And of course I’ve mentally put my own girls in their places.
I’m halfway across the world, so there’s nothing I can do physically besides cuss under my breath at the dickhead who did this – and I so farking have. But this rage in me is useless and doesn’t help anyone, although I confess it does feel righteous and warranted.
Anyway, I doubt my anger is what the families and friends of the victims need. I’m sure they have enough of that about the burst into their lives. When I try place myself in their shoes I fully suspect I’d go nuclear with hatred once the initial shock had worn off.
But my very real problem right now is my girls – specifically Miss13, Miss10 and Miss7. Do I tell them about this?
We don’t have a tv in the bus so there’s no chance of them accidentally – and it would only be through channel flicking – seeing a headline. Today we were travelling all day in the bus meaning I found this out late, so they didn’t accidentally see it on my computer or phone. This has bought me some time and given me a chance to be discrete over the next couple of weeks. Even then I think I have to tell Miss13 – she has friends who contact her on her phone, and Facebook. Although if I ask her to keep it under her hat I know she would, so long as I get to her before she finds out.
But do I take the risk in the others not finding out, or do I sit them down to discuss this and take what’s coming? Do I wait and see if it passes over their innocent little lives or try manage the fallout?
Do we want the kids thinking they’re putting their lives on the line every time they step out into a crowd? Because that’s what’s going to happen. I know because that’s sort of exactly the thought I have to push back on when we arrive at a concert or large shopping centre or theme park or take public transport. These days we hear so much from around the world that even though it’s not happening to each of us personally, or even to people we know, it feels like it’s the sort of thing which can happen in our community. And my kids, like me, are worriers of the highest order. Anxiety, usually over small things but not always, is something Team Devereaux battles with daily.
So my question is, is anyone else struggling with this tonight? Has anyone made a decision about it? If you’ve talked to your kids, how did it go?
I don’t have an answer here. I can’t offer up anything more than a heap of questions because the answers aren’t presenting themselves to me.
My girls love Ariana Grande. There’s no way they’re not going to know about this one day.
But what I’m wondering is, does it have to be today?
Raising a family on little more than laughs
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