My first thought was, I’m so stupid! Thank goodness no one saw me doing that!
While I’ve been forced to wear glasses for nearly ten years now I hate choosing frames, but because I destroy a pair every six months or so I tend to do it a lot.
Thing is, I don’t know what suits me and I don’t really care how they look anyway. Actually I care at lot but I’m so bad at picking them I pretend I don’t. Usually I drag Tracey along with me and she picks something she hopefully won’t hate looking at for the foreseeable (see what I did there?) future.
But when I sat on my last pair four weeks ago I didn’t have that option: Tracey was lying unconscious in an ICU bed.
“Do these look okay?” I asked the nice lady in the store. It was the fourth pair I took off the wall. With Tracey so ill I really didn’t want to be there. The woman agreed they didn’t look as bad as the last three I tried. “Fine. I’ll take two of them.”
Rather cleverly I decided to keep it simple. Both pairs would be identical. I know, right? Brilliant.
“And you want one for every day and one for the computer?” she asked, referring to an earlier conversation.
Okay, so I know now that ‘brilliant’ might be overstating it. What I find I have to do now is put on whichever glasses come to hand then nod and manoeuvre my head about to see if the world comes in or out of focus, or if it all remains blurry.
And today the inevitable happened. I couldn’t find the glasses I needed to do the everyday stuff like dishes, where a variety of focal points are necessary. Instead, the glasses I had on my nose were the ones for seeing clearly only things like a screen which is 30cm from my face.
The hunt did not go well.
“Sorry, guys,” I said to the four kids sleeping in the lounge room. “I need to turn the light on.”
Then I squinted and Magoo’d my way around the room between their sleepy protests.
Similarly woke Miss3 in the main bedroom.
I checked in wardrobes, the pantry, on the freezer, under papers, in the car, on bookshelves and in the fridge. All at a distance of 30cm.
Until halfway through my second tour of the house when I found them in the bathroom mirror. They were literally right under my nose, hanging off the collar of my shirt.
Like I said, so embarrassingly dumb.
But then my first thought was quickly followed by a second more me one: OMG! I’m so stupid but that’s so friggin’ funny! I wish someone saw me doing that!
Usually that someone would be Tracey. Best we can manage at this point is for me write it up here for her to enjoy later.
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“Raising a family on little more than laughs.”